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Mystery Method (2): The Approach


posted by Donovan at 7:02 PM

UPDATE! Do you want to get Mystery to teach you every step of the way? Check out his DVD Home Course.

Female-to-male attract phase (often called "attracting")
Male-to-female attract phase (or "qualifying")
Last-minute Resistance

In the first issue of the OAP, I gave an introduction to the Mystery Method and the M3 model. This model is at the core of most of what we do. To begin a sexual relationship with a women, you have to first ATTRACT her, then build COMFORT, and then finally SEDUCE her. Attract, Comfort, and Seduce are the three elements of the M3 model, and each of those is further divided into three phases. For example, the ATTRACT phase is divided into Attract 1 (or A1): Opening; Attract 2 (or A2) Attracting; and Attract 3 (or A3) Qualifying.

approach, flirt at bars, get your woman

What is opening? Essentially, it's the first 3-90 seconds of an interaction with a woman, whereby you begin a conversation. With opening, there is good news and bad news. The bad news is that opening can be very scary. Men are biologically predisposed to be incredibly nervous when starting a conversation with a woman that we don't know.

There are good evolutionary-biological reasons for this (in prehistoric times, approaching an unknown woman without permission or an introduction could lead to violent retaliation from her extended family), but that's probably not a lot of comfort. Nervous feelings that you get and the little voice that pops into your head creating excuses NOT to talk to that beautiful woman are NORMAL. You will need to learn to suppress them, but they are normal, and everyone -- even MM instructors -- have them.

Some more bad news. We not only need to open (suppressing our built-in emotions) but we have to open well. Opening poorly can doom the rest of your interaction with a woman (and any other women who see it) and make everything else you do a giant waste of time.

What's the good news? With practice, it's actually fairly easy. With some practice and some live examples and feedback from a trained instructor, anyone should be opening successfully, 99 times out of 100, after a couple weeks of work. Most experienced guys don't even think about opening anymore.

The following tips will get you started:

Have a canned opener ready -- This is NOT a night at the improv. Going "situational" (e.g., "it sure is crowded here" or "that's a nice purse") will rarely work. Think about it. If a 22 year old woman has been going out 1 night per week since she was 18, and gets approached 5 times in a night (and all of these numbers are major underestimations), she has been approached 1,000 times before you came along. Most of those 1,000 guys have tried something boring and situational. Use a canned opener -- something that has been repeatedly tested with women and is proven to work. If you don't have even one opener, I'd suggest Thundercat's tactical guide -- how to open. If you don't have this invaluable text, do yourself a favor and spend the $39.95 to get it and have your openers ready before you even go to the club, coffee shop, lounge, etc. He's another former Mystery Method student who knows his stuff.

3-2-1-GO -- The three-second rule was created for a reason. When you see a girl you like, GO. Open her group within three seconds. The failure to do this will "stale you out". Women like confidence. They don't like to be stalked. They like spontaneity. Wandering around circling her, looking at her, trying to figure out what to do next will turn her off and creep her out. Get into the habit of seeing a set and GO in. You've already got your opener ready, right?

Approach at an angle -- Do not walk straight up to the group. Approach at angle, tilt your head over your shoulders, and say your piece. Done correctly (and you almost need to see it to do it properly), you raise your value significantly by demonstrating that you do not need their attention or approval. Hang out with someone who knows what they are doing to teach this. If you don't know anyone, check out the Magic Bullet's ebook.

Smile on the approach --
Don't grin like a moron through the entire interaction, but smile as you walk to the set, and in the first few seconds of the opener. Smile with your eyes, not just your mouth. Smiles can be practiced in front of a mirror.

Be loud enough -- Everyone in the group should hear your opener. Your opener should be loud enough that it cuts across whatever conversations they are already having. Don't shout, but make it socially awkward for them not to pay attention to your opener.

Practice opening -- loudly -- from your chest, not your throat. If you put your hand on your chest, you should be able to talk in two ways: one in which you can feel the vibrations on your hand, and one where you can't. Train yourself to speak in the way where you can feel the vibrations.

Don't lean in -- This is connected to being loud enough. You should project your voice enough that they can hear you from a normal standing position (or leaning slightly back).

Engage the group -- Do NOT go into a group and talk to the woman you want to meet (the target). Engage the whole group. Pay LESS attention to the target.

Neg the target -- The hotter the girl, the quicker you have to neg. I've seen Mystery open with a neg, as well as negging the target within the first 10 seconds of his opener.

False time constraint -- This is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. Somewhere in the first 30 seconds you should drop in a phrase like "I can stay a second; I have my friends here". This will stop the group from feeling uncomfortable ("how long is this guy going to stay here") while also setting yourself up as a bit of a challenge, since if a woman is interested in you, she knows she'll have to do some work to keep your attention. Make sure you phrase it in positive terms. For example, consider the difference in what is communicated by "I have to go; my friends are here" compared to "I will only stay a second, then I'll leave you guys alone".

There. Do those things, and you should be able to get through A1 (the opener) easily, in almost any social situation.

Another crucial element of A1 is ending it. The opener should be something short, to grab the group's attention and be emotionally neutral. As soon as you spot an opportunity, you should shift into A2 (attract). We'll cover A2 in the next issue of the OAP.

For complete coverage of everything the Mystery Method can offer, download the Magic Bullets ebook

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posted by Donovan at 7:02 PM Dating Advice for Men


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