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The Blowout Ejection Plan


posted by Sean Messenger at 4:29 PM

At PickUp101, we teach a simple technique to use when you feel that the group you are talking to is no longer interested in talking to you that requires no coordination with others and no planning.

Just look at the group, gently place you hand on the arm of the person closest to you, and say something like:

"Hey, it was cool talking. I've got to catch up with my friends. Maybe I'll see you later."

Then leave. That's it. No lies (well, it's not always strictly true that you have to run right now to find your friends, but it's always socially appropriate) and no games. To the group it appears as though you have chosen to walk away, and to anyone watching it looks the same. You are polite, you are classy, and you let them know you are in control, and cool enough to keep them comfortable.

It also lets you leave on a high note. You're not scurrying away because they 'blew you out.' You are clearly stating that you choose to move on instead.

You are NOT the asshole who overstays his welcome (just think back on any house guest you ever had who just would not leave, and you will instinctively know why that is the very last thing you want to be.

What you say is very influential over what you think. If you say this, then you start to believe it. If you use any kind of trick to extricate yourself, you'll always feel a little sneaky.

When in doubt, look for the simplest solutions.


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posted by Sean Messenger at 4:29 PM Dating Advice for Men


Blogger Chris-P said...

That's so true, alot of times a set may not have the social skills to keep the interaction going. You can't stand there and look like an ass. The (it was nice talking with you i've got to get back to my friends) while touching her shoulder is very classy.

11:57 AM, July 21, 2006  
Anonymous picky-picasso said...

I'd like to add one for if SHE blows YOU out with the classic "I've got to go to the bathroom" (which may not be a blow out at all.)

"It's right over there. You can walk me to the bar on the way."

You walk with her, and hopefully (if you are assumptive) she takes you to the bar. You then send her on her way, and you look MUCH better than you would have if she left you standing where you were. Generally the women at the bar are fresh now, and they've all seen you escorted by a presumably attractive girl.


7:39 PM, January 24, 2007  

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Neil Strauss's Short Film (Video)


posted by Donovan at 11:29 AM

I just received an email from Neil explaining the following:

"In my spare time, I wrote, directed, and starred in a movie. Just for the experience."

"Nikki Sixx of Motley Crue, the actor Jonathan Silverman,Patrick Cranshaw (from Old School), Matt Besser of the Upright Citizens Brigade, and Carmen Luvana. If you know who she is, you should get out more."

Click below, it's 22 mins long.

Shoot(2006) So you wanna be a rock star? All you need is a dream and the right dealer...


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posted by Donovan at 11:29 AM Dating Advice for Men


Anonymous Desdinovaa said...

Interesting. The irony is definately refreshing. Making short films takes alot of work, even to produce something crappy, which is a testament to the ammount of work that went into this. (By that I mean alot.) Kudos from an aspiring filmaker in Austin, TX.

3:47 PM, July 12, 2006  
Blogger Ace said...

The surprise ending was pretty cool. Props for that.
I also liked wisecracks from the old manager in the beginning as well as the kiss to blow job to CD pick up gag in the car.
Pretty funny. Definetly could have used some more good jokes and less montage action.

High Five, Niel. Keep it up.

12:50 PM, July 13, 2006  

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Style, Wayne Elise Video

posted by Donovan at 11:05 AM

I just came across some underground footage taken by some aspiring PUA's, at Neil Strauss's book signing of "The Game", also some sarges.

It features Wayne Elise (Juggler) and Neil Strauss (Style), with a guest appearance of Lisa Leveridge for half a second.


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posted by Donovan at 11:05 AM Dating Advice for Men


Anonymous Anonymous said...

These guys sound like a bunch of HS students. The girls did a better job negging them then they did

2:58 PM, July 11, 2006  
Blogger Donovan said...

HAHA I agree.

8:34 PM, July 11, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hahah no kidding man, very weak frame control, he didn't seem to have any clue about what to say to the girls that wasn't from his script.

12:47 AM, July 12, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Those guys had shit-faced grins and looked like attention seeking whores during their sets: "Do you know who we are? We're PUAs!!!" They look like they enjoy sarging more than meeting and closing women.

8:12 AM, July 12, 2006  
Blogger Donovan said...

Well in their defense. At least there out there trying.

8:41 AM, July 12, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

These guys give a bad name to PUA, they don't deserve to be called that either, all they did was use and opener like social robots, just like style said their are people in it for a better life then their these donkeys who ruining the game.

10:35 AM, July 12, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Its like they think they are star or something? hey we are PUA please notice us! no game at all, makes me wanna leave the community

10:38 AM, July 12, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Weak frame control for sure. Not leading, they stay on the topic for too long. These guys need a workshop.

6:52 PM, July 12, 2006  
Anonymous geses said...

Props to whoever posts their videos. It's good to see, regardless of level. I would love to see more video of these guys or anybody else. If you're providing constructive criticism, great. If you're just being negative, let's see some video of you doing better.

2:18 PM, July 17, 2006  
Blogger Donovan said...

Yeah so true. Good point!!

2:20 PM, July 17, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't see how these guys can help anybody, maybe a pickup on how this is what you shouldn't be doing. Now I'm not being negative, I'll back it up, 1. they are using lines from the book like social robots, use it with a better frame, it seem they are just using it for the heck of it, use it as a guilde line to your own pick up, anybody can use lines, and yes 2nd the girls were negging it was funny to see them call those guys gay porn star because they were being to secretive, so I hope they learn something from this video.

2:07 PM, July 18, 2006  

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My Night With Stephen Nash


posted by Donovan at 8:41 AM

That title is for those of you that have seen Superman Returns... *cough cough*

I attended a NYC Lair meeting last night in New York City. It was a motley crew of different guys seeking different things.

Don Juan, who I'll be interviewing sooner rather than later, was in attendance. He's known as the kingpin of storytelling technique.

My main focus was on my friend, co-founder of Cutting Edge Image Consulting, Stephen Nash. Basically the credo of his company is a wholestic approach to a masculine lifestyle. I'll go over some of the valuable points I personally gained from Stephen, as he spoke for two hours. Let's just say he's in for the long haul with you, and not some gimmick to fix your love life. Just like a carrot dangling in front of you, which you can never obtain to finally statisfy your hunger, are the pickup gimmicks. The problem Stephen said is that not naturally attracting women is a symptom of a much larger issue. The issue that you're battling with won't disappear no matter how many successful sets you do. There is a macro problem with your life, not micro.

The overall theme was to make your life attractive to women, otherwise a woman of high quality (not just beauty) will eventually see you for who you really are: fool's gold. Stephen noted that sarging is this fools gold, you're emulating men with engaging personalities and trying to make their identity part of who YOU are. Women are attracted to this, until they FEEL the truth. Hence, not many pickup artists have solid long-lasting, healthy relationships.

Stephen presented two areas that I believe relate to incongruence. Congruence, I believe, doesn't come from repetition, it only comes from yourself. Congruence with your stories and identity, because they're your own. Those areas are responsiblity and context.

Stephen explained them this way. Responsibility is taking responsibility for your actions in your life. Nobody got you where you are today but yourself. If you're CONFUSED with women, you need to take DIRECTED ACTION that will bring your CLARITY in your life (DJ gave that equation). CONFUSION + DIRECTED ACTION = CLARITY.

The other area is context. Stephen related a metaphor. Imagine a beach party, in San Diego, with 21-24 year old women dressed in bikinis, and having a fun enjoyable time drinking with friends from college. Now imagine a 45 year old man, peacocked, and trying to open these women that have nothing in common with him. It's all about context.

Context transitioned into Nash's next point that you need to increase your social circle. This is where you meet women of quality. He gave us a number of important reasons why.

1. These women have common interests with you
2. These women already have mutual friends
3. You meet in a natural, non-pressured way

He told us that women that attend clubs, are like ADD children. They don’t go to clubs to meet men, they go to be stimulated, and they will leave you as soon as something more glittery comes along. Ask women you know if they would prefer to date a guy she met at a club, or through a mutual friend or a friends party.

After saying that, Stephen did relate that the clubs, bars, and lounges have there purpose. They provide a great practice ground to quickly increase your conversation and social skills, not to meet quality women. Webster Hall in NYC was the ongoing joke of the evening.

One of the most valuable points for me personally, is one that Stephen elaborated on during the first half an hour, that I actually forgot to write about till just now.

He told us about purpose.

He told us about goals.

What is your purpose? What are your goals?

It makes it very difficult for someone to be truly happy if they have no purpose, or goals. These will lead into what I will relate to you next.

You need a purpose, otherwise you're like a daffodil being directed by the ever changing weather.

You need goals, otherwise you'll never achieve or have a direction to reach your purpose.

He said, women know if you are immovable and solid in your purpose, and they love you for it.

The key is being Authentic and Powerful. How you spend your time, communicates to your brain what is real. So if you spend your time imbalanced (Like all your time at work, and not spending any time improving your health/body) then you will feel imbalanced.

He gave categories in which to set goals:

Financial, Community, Career, Health/Body, Family, Hobbies, Spiritual, Mission

One of the audience members asked how he can transition into a more natural style of game. He asked him what his purpose was. The guy seemed a tad perplexed. He said, he's ran 1000's of approaches, and he's told the same story a thousand times. He gets the same reaction, but said, that he wants a woman to appreciate him for him, not a story.

Stephen then gave a great insight (for me personally): Criteria is the only thing that should direct your conversation, and actions during pickup. This is known in the community called QUALIFYING. An example would be, that you love women with a passion for art. So would it make sense for you to attend Webster Hall to find a woman with that quality? Of course not. He said, you need to attend Art Gallery Openings, take art classes, and/or join communities in which art is appreciated. That is where you need to build you social circle.

Make's sense right? Does it ring true?

You conversations should be like this (if you want a women with a passion for art):

HIM: "I visited the a new gallery opening over in Chelsea this weekend. The artist was a close friend of mine, have you heard of Stephen Nash Donovan?"

HER: "No, I've never heard of him. He sounds cool. (lol) What kind of art?"

HIM: "Well, I've tried to convince him to go off nude paintings of me and branch out more, you know hit the mainstream. He keeps insisting, he casually mentions things like "greek god" or something...."

HER: "Haha!"

HIM: "To be honest, I love his work, and his style is what sets him apart. He's mostly a surrealist, he really creates this world that just envelopes your mind and takes you for a journey. He also extraggrates aspects of his paints, which helps his
nude paintings of me!"

HER: "I love that type of art. I've a big Picassco fan, but I don't get to get out to many gallery openings these days, cause of work and all."

HIM: "You should really come out and meet him. I've been meaning to go back and see some of the paintings I missed on the opening night. How does Thursday evening sound?"

HER: "That sounds awesome, do you mind if I ravish your godly body like the dirty girl I am?"

Ok, the last line was made up...

Stephen then told us that you're interesting by the content of what your saying, combined with the style.

Style is your voice tone, body language, how you present the information through questions, statements and storytelling. The content is the actual story.

Read the interview that I did with Stephen a month or so ago here.

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posted by Donovan at 8:41 AM Dating Advice for Men


Blogger Jaz said...

very insightful however quality women do go to clubs and bars also not just superficial women looking for a quick fix of stimulation.

12:24 PM, July 11, 2006  
Blogger Donovan said...

I agree. However, your liberal view of "quality" women might differ from the general consensus in the West and Northeast cities that women should atleast sport straight teeth, and a 3rd grade education.

12:33 PM, July 11, 2006  
Blogger Andrew said...

I once called one of my guy friends up and said, "Let's go out." I had been heads down for months working on a masters thesis and had no, repeat no, social life. I was determined to meet a new friend that night, even if it was just someone I could call once in a while to see a movie. So we go to a club where I ask this girl if she wants to dance with my friend (I was feeling silly). She said no so I asked her to dance with me. Three kids and over twenty years later, here I am authoring a blog about relationships. Go figure. But at least it shows that meeting a girl at a club can have long-lasting results.

9:00 PM, July 14, 2006  
Blogger Donovan said...

I have a secret to reveal...

Stephen did say that it is possible, but unlikely for the majority :)

My bad.

8:39 AM, July 17, 2006  

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Date Destroying Mistakes Part 1


posted by Donovan at 10:00 AM

This was an email from Lance Mason. This one stood out from the bunch, I thought the points were great and easy to follow.

Today I wanted to talk to you about the key mistakes men make on a 'date'. I'm using the word 'date' because that's what most people call it. I often refer to it as a DAY-2 meeting.

A big reason for this is, what most men think of as a 'date', is all wrong. (I explain why in detail on my Everything You Know About Women Is Wrong program.)

Listen, the first 'date' (the day-2) is critical. You did everything right to get her attracted to you, and built enough comfort and rapport for her to actually meet you again (this can be a scary thing for a woman), so you don't want to blow it by screwing up your first date.

Fact is, if a woman shows up by herself to meet you a second time... she WANTS you to seduce her. She wants you to lead her into more and more intimacy. She wants to be 'swept off her feet'!

This is an IMPORTANT POINT for you to realize. She is attracted to you, and she feels a connection with you or she would NOT be there.

Like Hitch says "No woman wakes up and says - God I hope I don't get swept off my feet today."

If she's there, all you need to do is be the man and lead her through the experience, and make sure you don't fuck it up.

So I'm going to go over the most common mistakes that screw guys up during those all
important first hours with a woman.

If all you did from this day forward, is make sure you AVOID making these mistakes, you'll be making a lot of women (and yourself) very happy.

Mistake #1) Not Running Attraction At The Beginning Of The Date

It's essential to remind her why she came to meet you in the first place - you're a sexy guy, and that means confident, funny, and socially aware.

Don't over do it, but if you leave this out two things can happen. First she may question her decision to meet you. and Second, you may slip into your old familiar 'nice guy' patterns which will further kill any attraction she had.

The best attraction material is to use is one or two banter lines. For example, tease her about how her being early shows how much she wants you.

Mistake #2) Not Touching Her Right Away

If you did a good job during the pickup, you touched the girl a fair bit. Don't start over, and don't set yourself up for landing in the friend zone.

As soon as you see her next, give her a hug and perhaps even kiss her on the cheek. Then, keep touching her frequently during the date.

Touch her in the way that lets her know you are comfortable with women, and that brings her into your 'inner circle'.

If #1 and #2 sound a lot like the advice I give you for attraction, there is a solid reason. These skills are not just for meeting women, these are skills for every phase of being with a woman.

This is a KEY LEARNING! Just like a woman will always work to keep you attracted, you must do the same. This is where guys drop the ball in relationships.

Mistake #3) Not Leading - Not Being 'The Man'

Have a plan and a role for her in the plan and instruct her each step of the way.

Don't ever say, "OK," to a request she makes. If she resists, bust on her playfully and stick to your plan. Unless, of course, she's trying to speed things up, in which case you want to be flexible... but still not a wimp.

Don't be an asshole, be firm and playful.

There are so many reasons why this is important, but I'm just going to give you one. Women will tell you that a huge turn off is a guy who doesn't take control on a date. Don't believe me, just ask some women.

There are other good reasons for planning your day-2, some of which should be obvious, such as being near your home when things go well.

Mistake #4) Doing Something That Costs Money

This isn't about being 'cheap'. Spending money drops you into the traditional dating frame.

If you spend money, she'll tend to put up her defenses. This is because she has already experienced so many guys trying to 'buy' her affection.

Most men believe the same society bullshit and think it's how you impress a woman.

If she spends money, it's worse, and you'll both feel very awkward.

Besides, there are so many things you can do that are fun and cost next to nothing. And you can be totally unlike any guy she's ever dated by doing creative and unusual fun things with her.

Mistake #5) Planning Long Dates

Many guys hope to get laid on the first date, and they know from experience that this can take a number of hours so they plan a whole bunch of stuff for the first date.

This also puts pressure on her not unlike spending money.

When you plan a short date and the girl is giving you the right signals, you can always adjust the plan.

Besides, several short dates will get her to bed in less actual invested time than one long date because it will feel much longer to her, and she won't have to explain to her friends that she slept with you on the first date.

During the Art of Rapport workshop, I explain how I have even used a day-2 meeting that was exactly 45 minute long, and would have three to four of those scheduled in one night.

This sets me apart as being so totally different from any other guy she's met, that she wants to know more about me, and will be impatiently waiting for the day-3.

Key Learnings: What you should take away is this... Plan a short date that doesn't cost money and is fun and unique.

And immediately remind her of why she was attracted to you and be sure to touch her right away.

Do this and you'll be way ahead of most men in her eyes.

Look for Part II of this series soon.
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posted by Donovan at 10:00 AM Dating Advice for Men


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