7.10.2006posted by Donovan at 8:41 AM
That title is for those of you that have seen Superman Returns... *cough cough*
I attended a NYC Lair meeting last night in New York City. It was a motley crew of different guys seeking different things.
Don Juan, who I'll be interviewing sooner rather than later, was in attendance. He's known as the kingpin of storytelling technique.
My main focus was on my friend, co-founder of Cutting Edge Image Consulting, Stephen Nash. Basically the credo of his company is a wholestic approach to a masculine lifestyle. I'll go over some of the valuable points I personally gained from Stephen, as he spoke for two hours. Let's just say he's in for the long haul with you, and not some gimmick to fix your love life. Just like a carrot dangling in front of you, which you can never obtain to finally statisfy your hunger, are the pickup gimmicks. The problem Stephen said is that not naturally attracting women is a symptom of a much larger issue. The issue that you're battling with won't disappear no matter how many successful sets you do. There is a macro problem with your life, not micro.
The overall theme was to make your life attractive to women, otherwise a woman of high quality (not just beauty) will eventually see you for who you really are: fool's gold. Stephen noted that sarging is this fools gold, you're emulating men with engaging personalities and trying to make their identity part of who YOU are. Women are attracted to this, until they FEEL the truth. Hence, not many pickup artists have solid long-lasting, healthy relationships.
Stephen presented two areas that I believe relate to incongruence. Congruence, I believe, doesn't come from repetition, it only comes from yourself. Congruence with your stories and identity, because they're your own. Those areas are responsiblity and context.
Stephen explained them this way. Responsibility is taking responsibility for your actions in your life. Nobody got you where you are today but yourself. If you're CONFUSED with women, you need to take DIRECTED ACTION that will bring your CLARITY in your life (DJ gave that equation). CONFUSION + DIRECTED ACTION = CLARITY.
The other area is context. Stephen related a metaphor. Imagine a beach party, in San Diego, with 21-24 year old women dressed in bikinis, and having a fun enjoyable time drinking with friends from college. Now imagine a 45 year old man, peacocked, and trying to open these women that have nothing in common with him. It's all about context.
Context transitioned into Nash's next point that you need to increase your social circle. This is where you meet women of quality. He gave us a number of important reasons why.
1. These women have common interests with you
2. These women already have mutual friends
3. You meet in a natural, non-pressured way
He told us that women that attend clubs, are like ADD children. They don’t go to clubs to meet men, they go to be stimulated, and they will leave you as soon as something more glittery comes along. Ask women you know if they would prefer to date a guy she met at a club, or through a mutual friend or a friends party.
After saying that, Stephen did relate that the clubs, bars, and lounges have there purpose. They provide a great practice ground to quickly increase your conversation and social skills, not to meet quality women. Webster Hall in NYC was the ongoing joke of the evening.
One of the most valuable points for me personally, is one that Stephen elaborated on during the first half an hour, that I actually forgot to write about till just now.
He told us about purpose.
He told us about goals.
What is your purpose? What are your goals?
It makes it very difficult for someone to be truly happy if they have no purpose, or goals. These will lead into what I will relate to you next.
You need a purpose, otherwise you're like a daffodil being directed by the ever changing weather.
You need goals, otherwise you'll never achieve or have a direction to reach your purpose.
He said, women know if you are immovable and solid in your purpose, and they love you for it.
The key is being Authentic and Powerful. How you spend your time, communicates to your brain what is real. So if you spend your time imbalanced (Like all your time at work, and not spending any time improving your health/body) then you will feel imbalanced.
He gave categories in which to set goals:
Financial, Community, Career, Health/Body, Family, Hobbies, Spiritual, Mission
One of the audience members asked how he can transition into a more natural style of game. He asked him what his purpose was. The guy seemed a tad perplexed. He said, he's ran 1000's of approaches, and he's told the same story a thousand times. He gets the same reaction, but said, that he wants a woman to appreciate him for him, not a story.
Stephen then gave a great insight (for me personally): Criteria is the only thing that should direct your conversation, and actions during pickup. This is known in the community called QUALIFYING. An example would be, that you love women with a passion for art. So would it make sense for you to attend Webster Hall to find a woman with that quality? Of course not. He said, you need to attend Art Gallery Openings, take art classes, and/or join communities in which art is appreciated. That is where you need to build you social circle.
Make's sense right? Does it ring true?
You conversations should be like this (if you want a women with a passion for art):
HIM: "I visited the a new gallery opening over in Chelsea this weekend. The artist was a close friend of mine, have you heard of Stephen Nash Donovan?"
HER: "No, I've never heard of him. He sounds cool. (lol) What kind of art?"
HIM: "Well, I've tried to convince him to go off nude paintings of me and branch out more, you know hit the mainstream. He keeps insisting, he casually mentions things like "greek god" or something...."
HIM: "To be honest, I love his work, and his style is what sets him apart. He's mostly a surrealist, he really creates this world that just envelopes your mind and takes you for a journey. He also extraggrates aspects of his paints, which helps his
nude paintings of me!"
HER: "I love that type of art. I've a big Picassco fan, but I don't get to get out to many gallery openings these days, cause of work and all."
HIM: "You should really come out and meet him. I've been meaning to go back and see some of the paintings I missed on the opening night. How does Thursday evening sound?"
HER: "That sounds awesome, do you mind if I ravish your godly body like the dirty girl I am?"
Ok, the last line was made up...
Stephen then told us that you're interesting by the content of what your saying, combined with the style.
Style is your voice tone, body language, how you present the information through questions, statements and storytelling. The content is the actual story.
Read the interview that I did with Stephen a month or so ago here.
posted by Donovan at 8:41 AM Dating Advice for Men