Do Women Flake On You?***QUESTION FROM A READER***
I will try to keep this short, but if you don't read it all, just refer to the question at the bottom regarding the question.****DAVID DEANGELO'S COMMENTS****
Okay, I have read through all of your newsletters ever since I signed up for the service & purchased your E-Books.
On a Tuesday I am out with a friend & we bump into his ex & her roommate. Both girls are 9's (pushing 10's). I immediately go to work! She's wearing a turtle neck sweater (I see a weak spot) so I start calling her "Tippy the Turtle" all night. She acts all defensive about it, but keeps laughing & asking me WHY, WHY, WHY do you keep calling me that?...So I just keep pouring it on. I bust on her humorously every chance I get. Within 2 hours, she's leaning on me, squeezing me & following me around the club like a puppy..... SO, we go to another club & I go to the bar to get a drink and the waitress at the bar (whom I know from being there in the past) asks me why I have never asked HER to go out & do anything (LIGHT BULB GOES ON).
So I tell her it's "because I don't have a way to get a hold of her". So she pulls out a dollar bill from her money holder & writes her number down and gives it to me (this girl is a solid 10 by the way... and trust me, IM PICKY!). Needless to say, IM STOKED! So I tease her a little about her name (because her name is B... a guys name), take the number & go back to my friend & the girls..... Everything is great RIGHT????
Now the problem & the question:
I ask a friend of mine about her (the waitress). He works at the same night club she does. He said that she was "all about money". He also told me that she just quit her job that weekend & didn't work there anymore...
So I called her on the following Sunday (gave it about 5 days). I decided to check this "money thing" out in a humorous way. When she finally realized who I was (which kinda pissed me off that I had to explain to her who I was on the phone...I went as far as suggesting that I hang up & call back & try this again) I told her that I heard she quit her job & then asked her "How are you going to take me to lunch & pay my way if you don't have a job"? I thought it was funny & was awaiting a laugh, but she responded with "why do you have to start the conversation off like that? I had to support my last 2 boyfriends, so don't go there". Needless to say Im shocked & respond with "Its becoming a habit huh?"...and then heard silence & broke the silence with "Im just giving you sh**!" (I know, I know....a WUSS moment)
SO, I set a simple meeting with her (for some lunch before I had to go to work) for that same Thursday (today actually...4 days later). She said the date & time were cool so I closed the deal (kept the phone call at about 3-4 minutes). Before I hung up she said "why don't you call me between now & then so we can talk". Well Im picking up on that one right away, so I respond with. What would be the point in that? We are getting together Thursday to talk". And we said our goodbyes & that was it....
NOW I get a phone call 3 hours before we have to meet & she tells me some BS story about her brother coming in town & she can't meet me for lunch. Well Im not stupid, and I just had another girl cancel in a similar fashion on me last night. DUHH!!!... So my question is this:
QUESTION: If a girl cancels on you, how should you really handle it? Especially if you know her excuse is bull sh**?!?! (I can pick liars out a mile away... its a gift!). I realize she maybe testing me, but when a girl expresses interest in YOU & makes it a point to make sure that YOU leave WITH HER PHONE NUMBER, how should you handle it when they cancel last minute with a lame ass excuse? My feelings are to talk to them in a manor making them feel as stupid as they think YOU are.
When she tells me her brother is going to be in town & she had to cancel THREE HOURS before we meet, I felt like saying "Well I gave you 4 days notice to meet me for ONE hour. Your brother hasn't seen you in six months & you didn't know this when we talked the first time??"
I was just real quiet & said nothing when she fed me this "Line" & responded with "ok, whatever... maybe some other time...you have my number" & that was the end of the conversation, I hung up.
Are they testing to see if you WILL be an a**hole (DO THEY WANT YOU TO?), or are they testing to see if you will be sympathetic (WHICH WOULD BE BAD)..... Personally, I want to be an asshole because I get kind of upset with flakey people in general...
Also, do you think I should ever call & set a date up again with a woman like this, or did I already blow it?
OK, first things first.
You really have the right idea here. Your thinking is right on, and your use of the Cocky & Funny attitude is great!
And I'm guessing that the REASON why the cute waitress started asking why you never ask her out is BECAUSE you showed up with a hot girl that was chasing you around.
It certainly helps the stock value when you're seen around with a hottie.
I'd love to talk more about all the RIGHT things you did, but, alas, I'm going to focus this newsletter on the WRONG things you did.
Now, please don't take any of what I'm about to tell you PERSONALLY, because it's all in good fun.
But pay attention, because by making fun of you in a public newsletter (that many thousands of guys read) only hurts a little (but remember the joy I'm getting from it, and maybe you'll feel better).MISTAKE #1: LISTENING TO YOUR FRIEND
Dude, what are you thinking?
When your friend who worked with her told you that she was "all about money", it probably meant:
- He was in love with her.
- She wasn't interested in him.
- He tried to buy her dinner and gifts, but she only wanted to be friends.
- He hated the idea that you were going to date her.
- He wanted to put you off the trail.
Think about it.MISTAKE #2: WAITING 5 DAYS TO CALL HER.
Now, of course you don't want to call a woman ten seconds after you meet her and say, "Hi, I'm the needy dork you just gave your number to...".
But think about it...
This girl works in a BAR. She meets about a million guys every night.
She probably gives her number to more guys every week than you have FRIENDS.
I would have called her the next evening... two days later at the most.
This way she'll at least REMEMBER you.
And I would have said "You know, I've never had a woman PAY ME to call her. But this dollar is only going to buy you about 15 seconds. You can ask me what I'm wearing or something, and then you'll have to give me a Visa card to continue the call..."MISTAKE #3: DISCUSSING THE "MONEY THING" ON THE PHONE
What are you thinking... bringing up something like this by telling her that you heard she quit her job?
Something like this at the beginning of a first call CAN'T go anywhere but a BAD place.
I can see what you were trying to do, but you were on a slippery slope, and you were only irritating her.
Save the ball busting for when you're alone with her in person.
This is where you REALLY screwed up, man.
At this point she was probably thinking "What the hell is this guy talking about?" because it was a sensitive subject for her, and you didn't have enough of a connection with her to be talking to her about this topic. Too early.
I'm going to say that you basically SET HER UP to flake on you.
Shortly after that, she gave you the NEON SIGN of "why don't you call me between now and then so we can talk".
TRANSLATION: "I'm going to flake on you for SURE, but I just don't want the confrontation right now, so I'll put doubt in your mind".MISTAKE #4: LETTING HER THINK THAT FLAKING WAS OK
When you just let the "call me between now and then" comment go by and hung up, you made a big mistake.
Right then and there you should have STOPPED the conversation and said something to the effect of:
"Whoa. I'll tell you what, I have a pet peeve, and I HATE it when people flake out on me. So, if you're gonna flake, just tell me now. I'm only going to make plans if you're CERTAIN that you're going to be there."
Now, a lot of times when you say something like this, you'll scare a woman off. But it's worth it.
The last thing you need in your life is a flaky woman.
Better to get it handled early on.
But, if she's NOT a flaky woman... but only trying to figure out how to flake on YOU because you acted like a DUMB ASS, then this might change things.
When a woman sees you standing up for yourself, and basically saying "Look, if you're going to flake out or be late, then I don't want to meet you", it shows her beyond the shadow of a doubt that YOUR TIME is more important to you than HER. This is a good thing.
This kind of comment will often result in a woman saying "No, no... I'll be there. I'll be there."MISTAKE #5: LETTING HER FLAKE ON YOU
If a woman called me three hours before we were supposed to meet and said, "Oh, my long lost brother is coming to town..." I would say:
"Well thanks for the three hours notice. What are you going to do to make this up to me?"
NOW IS THE TIME TO BUST BALLS!
Of course, you don't want to do it in an emotional, hurtful way... or in a way that lets her know that you have been upset by her.
I'll mention one thing here... I have a friend who has gotten tired of women flaking out on him. So he now calls THEM on the day he's supposed to meet them for the first date, and FLAKES ON THEM.
He tells me that this works like a charm, and they always show up for the next planned meeting. Go figure.
Now, I personally don't like the idea of lying to or deceiving women, but it's an interesting lesson. In the final analysis, I'd say that you screwed up in the beginning, and created your own problems.
Instead of saying, "I heard you quit your job" (which makes you sound like an amateur stalker), you should have just said a few charming things, set up a meeting with her, and gotten off the phone.
That probably would have prevented your problems.
Which leads me to another idea...
EVERY STEP with a woman will go MUCH SMOOTHER if you set it up well beforehand.
My experience is that most guys CREATE THEIR OWN PROBLEMS with women, then come to me to solve them.
Isn't it a much better idea to not run into these problems in the first place?
I mean, you'll never reach a point where you never have any problems with women, but you sure can prevent and eliminate about 80% of them by just knowing what to do to set up each step with women, and how to respond to certain situations.
Where's the best place to learn how to do just that?
In my eBook "Double Your Dating", then you need to do that NOW. It's my original manual for success with women and dating, and it's the place to get started if you want to take your success with women to the next level. You can download it here
I'll talk to you again soon!