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Reader Question with Answer: Approach Anxiety, and One Night Stands


posted by Donovan at 2:39 PM

Some guys have all the luck? It's not always what it seems...

I'm fairly new to pick up and am far from good at it. I went out to a club recently and ended up hooking up with someone that night. She was a very cute Spanish girl that is much more attractive than I normally pick up, but I know not to judge success only on results. I can tell you that I did not resemble a pickup artist that night and she more or less fell into my lap. I attribute this to meeting her right before the club closed so she was already drunk.

She actually approached me saying, "I think I know you from my school..." She goes to college at my school's arch rival so I teased her about that and I think I did a good job keeping her interested in me because we hooked up that night, but if she didn't approach me it wouldn't have happened and I am working on my
approaches. That's another issue. I have her number but no email. I would like to hook up with her whenever I go up there or when she comes down to my school to visit friends. What is the best way to make that situation happen?

Congratulations on the successful lay. I can feel from your email that you aren't overly impressed with it however. Hey, at least you still got laid without paying right?

Ok before I address the situation with the girl. First off you see a problem, and you want to fix it. Approaching doesn't get easier, until you start approaching. So get out in the field and do it! Write up a few routines that you can use consistently and practice. Feel the fear and do it anyway. Check out the definitive guide to approaching beautiful women, which is the Art of Approaching, and make up some original routines that fit your personality perfectly.

Ok, now onto the main question:

I think you might be barking up the wrong tree trying to arrange plans with this girl again. Mostly because you rushed into the sexual relationship without building enough of a connection. Perhaps it was love at first sight, or maybe she'll do it at another club the next week? I'm not sure. The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior...

What usually happens is if your sexual relationship begins before the absolute MINIMUM 4 hours (recommended 7 hours) you get what is called FOOL'S MATE.

You got lucky, basically. She wouldn't consider you as a permanent thing to come back to unfortunately. The key is rapport and comfort after you generated the attraction before a sexual relationship.

From the Magic Bullets ebook
If you go to far (into seduction) before you have enough comfort, you'll
feel like a great player at the time but you won't get laid when (a) you fool's
mate backfires and (b) you get buyers' remorse the next day.

It's the same situation when you don't give build enough rapport and comfort to battle flakes in my previous Reader Question with Answer. Similarly, if you do the same thing and get laid, it will result in flakiness with her not wanting to associate her feelings on the day (when you call) with the feelings of the night before.

Something that you want, is to attract and KEEP the girls you interact with. Therefore, you'll have choice. The choice I think most of us started in this game for. So don't rush in. Control yourself. What's better? One night of sex, or endless nights of sex?

With saying all that, maybe this beautiful Latina will be the 2% of all women that will want to meet up again and pursue you into having you around for sex. Try setting something up, but I personally wouldn't count on much. Work on improving your overall game so that you can get consistent day2's from meeting in clubs.

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posted by Donovan at 2:39 PM Dating Advice for Men


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