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Secrets to a Smooth Approach


posted by Donovan at 9:17 AM

After the Stephen Nash interview, I received alot of positive feedback about his philosophies and methodology. I promised more from the "powerhouse" Stephen Nash (aka Playboy), so here it is with more to come:

Want to know the Truth?

FLIRTING WOMENMost guys won't approach a woman. They are too scared. It is more frightening than hiking up Mt. Everest, or speaking in front of the White House Press Corps.

So, if you want real choice and power with your dating life, you're going to have to join the minority. That's right - you are going to have to seize the opportunities when they come your way and push through your fear.

Any guy can do it. This is not rocket science, or dismantling a land mine here. In fact, most women will give you the benefit of the doubt just for having the cajones to approach her - cool?

Assuming you can get past your own fear (subtle challenge), here are some MUSTS for making your approach smooth. The idea is to make the process as comfortable for you and her as possible.

If you strike out, chalk it up as a "learning experience." Think about how you can make the next one better, got it?

Let's accelerate your learning curve and go over 3 elements for making your next approach look as natural as a sunrise.

1) Casual: Looks much easier written down than when staring at the next Mrs. YOU. But, if you come on too strong to her at first, she's going to get frightened and defend herself. To start the conversation, be as casual as possible by asking her a simple question about your environment. Also, keep your body language as neutral as possible by not turning and facing her or leaning in to her. She is much more likely to receive your approach if you can prevent the words "something is up here, I can just feel it!!" from crossing her mind. Feel free to also look away as you chat with her. Again, you are reinforcing the casual-ness of the interaction.

2) Playful: Lots of guys become Mr. Cocky when they approach women, which is a defense mechanism. Drop the cockiness, and show her your confident side by being playful. This is also called - FLIRTING - and is a MUST skill for guys who want to enhance their dating lives. You want to simply joke around, but stay away from teasing her - you don't know her well enough for that yet. Instead, point out the humor in your surroundings, or, even better, about yourself. The more self-effacing here the better. Let her know you don't take yourself too seriously. If you can master this, women will trust you. If women trust you, they will want to be around you. See where this leads?

3) Personal: Last, but not least, at some point you have to let her know a little bit about you. Instead of relying on the standard diet of questions ("where are you from?", "what is your sign?"), answer these questions for her in the form of statements. Just drop them into your conversation: "Your sweater reminds me of my sister, though we are from the south, it gets cold around November. She used to wear something similar at Thanksgiving." In that statement alone, I reveal three facts about my life: I am from the south, I have a sister, and we gather at Thanksgiving. Suddenly, you are no longer a guy she just met at the café, but someone she is "getting to know". There is a HUGE difference.

So, now that you have the basic three ideas in mind, you now have to LEARN them. Here is your mission:

Do one approach per day for the next week, and play around with these ideas. Try to take some notes after each approach, and learn where your sticking points are.

I love hearing from guys who are really trying to improve this area of their lives. I think it is so important, I started this business to help spread the word about how to be successful without trying to completely change who you are. My ebook How To Get A Girlfriend is written to be totally malleable to each guy's personality type and style. If you haven't downloaded it yet, go for it! You can get your own copy here.

Thanks a lot guys,

Stephen Nash

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posted by Donovan at 9:17 AM Dating Advice for Men


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I call bs on this statement:

"Most guys won't approach a woman. They are too scared."

Why? Just look around, do you think all the guys with women just had them magically appear? Nope, at some point they had to approach...unless of course we are talking about arranged marriages, and then you've got me there.

4:51 PM, May 05, 2006  
Blogger Stephen Nash said...

My meaning of "approach" here is the cold approach concept. Typically, people in life meet thru others.

"Jim, meet Jane"
"Jane, this is Jim"
"Nice to meet you Jane"
"My pleasure Jim"

That sort of thing...

Now, a guy walking up to a woman cold, without knowing her or her social network, is rare. This is the definition of "approach" I mean here - apologies for any confusion.

1:46 PM, May 07, 2006  

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