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Grungey10 (Seduction Masters Interview)

6.29.2006

posted by Donovan at 4:36 PM

I go by the alias of Grungey10. I’m 21, born and raised in the Philippines until I was 17, migrated to California a couple of years back, and recently just moved to Arizona, arguably the hottest state in America.

My website: Learn how to meet women during the day- http://www.captivatetoconnect.com/

I remember having the biggest crush on this undiscovered beauty back when I was 12. She was playing soccer in the park. I was watching her for a couple of minutes then the perfect opportunity came. The ball flew over to my direction. I got the ball but there was no way I was kicking it back, she had to get it from me. See, I was a very mischievous kid. I would always play pranks on everyone and girls didn't scare me that much as needles did, so yeah. I succeeded in becoming her friend and everyone in my School hated me for it (in a good way of course). Later on I found out that her younger sister had a crush on me too, I ended up losing both of them due to my indecisiveness. I couldn't choose between them and it killed my chances. Oh what a heart break that was back then. I remember this incident very well because it was the first and last time (in my high school life) where I liked a girl and she actually liked me back.

1. Describe the moment, when you suddenly realized, "I need to work out this part of my life."

I could never forget that moment.

I had nothing when I first moved to the United Stated.

It all started three and a half years ago when I had to make a very important decision that would eventually change the rest of my life.

Should I migrate to the United States with my whole family and start a new life? Or should I stay with the one I love, my friends, my band, and the country I grew up in?

Fortunately, I was raised well by my parents. There's one thing that my mom would emphasize over and over again, as I grew up, and it's the saying that "blood is thicker than water on any given day". I took that saying to heart. I ended up moving to Los Angeles with no friends, no job, and unable to sign up for a community college (I was still waiting for my papers).

If I wasn't at home playing the guitar or surfing the internet I would be at the gym. That's what my life revolved around for awhile. I was bored, depressed, and celibate for a couple of months. Then I met this girl over the internet. Well, she kind of asked me out. Here's how it went.

We chatted for a week, she felt like we had a connection so she asked me out to coffee. I was actually surprised because it was the first time I’d been out on a date for years back then.

It turned out to be a double date. We were going to be with her roommate and this one other guy. We finally meet. She was cuter than the online picture, so I can't complain about that. She offered to buy me coffee with her Starbucks card but I refused (What the hell was I thinking?!).

We ended up staying there for 2 hours. In those 2 hours, I didn’t say more than 30 words.

So what happened?

The whole time, the other guy took control of the situation. He would tell stories about his life, make jokes, and do fun things. He was doing a good job. He wasn't trying to make me look bad, as a matter of fact he tried to get me to open up several times, I just couldn't. I didn't have the skills.

Then it suddenly hit me. I lost most of my social skill due to the fact that my life revolved around 1 girl for 3 years. I was lost. The only reason why I was able to attract her is because I was communicating with her over the internet. I had time to think about the perfect things to say. I wasn’t shy to be myself at all because I couldn’t see who I was communicating with. That was the problem. I couldn’t be me.

I knew I was a cool and interesting guy. I just didn’t know how to convey my good qualities.

After the date she hurried home. I didn't hear from her ever since.

That's when I realized that something had to change. I looked for resources online until I stumbled on David D. That's what started my quest for self improvement. I knew something had to change. I knew I needed to improve myself. I wasn’t going to stop until I was satisfied with my results.

2. Have you had any mentors within the community/life that have helped you improve your game, and what did they teach you?

Unfortunately, I didn't get the chance to have any mentors to guide me through my journey. I couldn’t afford it back then. It would have been cool though. It definitely would have accelerated my learning curve. I learned through books, DVD’s, experiences, failures, and modeling friends that were successful with women.

It took me awhile to implement the things I learned. If there was one thing I hated the most... It had to be failure. I just couldn't stand it. That hatred motivated me to work really hard on improving myself. I knew there wasn't a quick fix. There was no magic pill that would make me successful with women overnight. I had to work on myself on a daily basis. I needed to turn my life around.

That's when I started to put the theories into practice. It wasn’t easy though. It was probably the most challenging thing I've ever done in my entire life.

I had to practice everything I learned. Soon I turned myself into a social butterfly. I would talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere. After getting learning how to be social with everyone I started to specialize in the girls that were attractive to me.

So the quest began.

Every time

I saw a girl on the street... APPROACH
I saw a girl in the gym... APPROACH
I saw a girl in the mall... APPROACH
I saw a girl going in her car... APPROACH
I saw a girl in the library... APPROACH
I saw a girl on the beach... APPROACH
I saw a girl with her boyfriend... APPROACH
I saw a girl behind the counter... APPROACH

I became unstoppable during the day. It was pretty scary. It became something I’d look forward every time I went out of the house. It became a habit. There were a lot of bumps along the road. A lot of sticking points but giving up wasn’t an option. I hated failure so much that every time I screwed up, it was back to the drawing board. It was back to learning how to handle the new obstacle and this continued until I got consistent results with women of great quality.

I didn’t let it rule my life though. I wasn't there to drop everything in my life and become someone else. I was there to improve myself and develop the skills to convey my personality in an attractive way. I started pursuing the things I was passionate about. I started living a more interesting life. I started to become a renaissance man.

I studied everything and anything that piqued my curiosity. After all, if I wanted to get good at this might as well learn everything inside and out. I didn't want to be that guy that depended on "The Script" the whole time. I wanted to be that guy that’s naturally just irresistible and interesting to women.

I went out several times during the week. I tried meeting women in all places during the day time. I went to malls, beaches, college campuses, parks, bookstores, streets, coffee shops, libraries, you name it I’ve done it. I talked to everyone regardless of their age, gender, or occupation. After all, I believe that success in picking up women can be attributed to the manner of communication used in the conversation. That’s all it is.

I repeat.

In my experience, success in picking up girls, building relationships, and getting what you want out of life depends on your communication skills. This includes the verbal and non verbal aspects of communication.

3. Can you describe the first time you used a counter-intuitive routine that yielded it's promised results, and how you felt?

First of all, I’d like to give you guys a brief background on how I came across a powerful counter intuitive routine that yielded great results for me. Well, actually it isn’t a routine. It’s more of a mindset.

I remember having this one friend who was just simply phenomenal with women. He was a natural. He always had women starting conversations with him and they all ended up chasing him afterwards. He’s this fairly good looking, tall, curly haired, guy that kind of resembled Brandon Boyd (the singer of Incubus).

I learned a lot from this guy.

There were things that I witnessed first hand that blew my entire reality away. It got even crazier when I started incorporating the things I learned from him in my game. Before I get to that, I’d like to mention a couple of things I noticed about this guy.

HE HAD A TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT ATTITUDE WHEN IT CAME TO MEETING WOMEN

This is the most important thing I learned from him. It’s so counter intuitive. I learned that the more you demonstrate that you’re willing to walk away from a woman, the more she’d want you to stay with her.

This was probably one of the biggest things this guy had going for him. It was his belief. It was the way he viewed life. He never felt like he had to impress anyone. He never placed girls on a pedestal. Don’t get me wrong, every time we’d see a hot girl he’d be like “Damn, she’s fucking hot” but that wouldn’t be apparent when she started talking to him. As a matter of fact he taught me four things when it came to meeting women in exchange for guitar lessons.

First Lesson: Always act disinterested in her. Never ever show that you’re head over heels for her at the beginning. Once you let her know she has you. It’s over.

Second Lesson: Never be afraid to spark tension in any relationship. Always call a woman on her shit early on and don’t be afraid to lose her.

Quick story, there’s this one time where I saw this theory in action. It was after this group date we had. She was with her friends and I was with him. We were supposed to head out to the mall after dinner. He wanted her to ride with us instead of her friends. Here's what happened:

My friend: Come ride with us

Hbfriend's Date: Uhm, hold on let me ask my friends real quick

My friend: Cool, hurry up. (he then turns to me and says) "Watch this, I’m going to give her the ultimatum"

Hbfriend's Date: Well, I don’t think I can ride with you guys. My friend's aren't comfortable with that because I just met you. I’m sorry.

My friend: First of all Hbfriend's Date, I’m the one you're going to a date with not your friends. We’re trying to get to know each other. Second you're 19 not 8, I'm sure you can make your own decisions without your friends by your side. If you're friend's will end up making a decision for you all the time then I don’t think this is going to work out between us.

Hbfriend's Date: No, no, I didn’t mean it to come across that way. I really want to ride with you it's just that they’re concern about my safety. I’ll let them know that it’s alright ok? I’ll talk to them.

(She comes after 5 minutes and rides with us)

Third Lesson: Always let her know indirectly or directly that you have other options. It's going to be her loss if she didn't get to date you.

Fourth Lesson: Always act confident in everything that you do. If you're going to go for the kiss just do it. Even if you're uncomfortable just do it. If you're nervous then you should learn how to hide it. Never show any signs of indecisiveness.

I experienced a lot of positive results ever since I started to be indifferent towards the outcome. Every time a girl would mention something she didn’t like about me I'd say "You can take it or leave it, it's up to you, either way I'll be happy". I took that mindset to heart and my whole world change since then.

There were dozens of other things I picked up from this guy. I’ll share them with you another time.

4. Could you describe what you're life was like before you were aware of this, and/or what options you have with women now?

My transition to being attractive to women...

I'd usually end up getting with a girl after a few months of knowing her. It would always start out with me befriending her, then I would take her out, then she ended up liking me. I could only talk to a girl if she was introduced to me. Picking up a girl that I didn't know was completely foreign to me. I doubted it was possible.

Even though I've had some success back then, it still sucked for me big time. I always had to settle for something less. I never really got the kind of girl that I wanted.

But now, I have no problems with talking to anyone, anywhere, anytime. Finding a girl was hard for me because I'm really picky. I have this whole checklist of qualities that I look for in a girl. The shallow ones are: She had to be older than me, taller than me, and blonde. After a few years in the game it finally paid off. I met my match. The best part about it is that I never used a single routine to get her. I was able to drop the training wheels and still get similar results. Ever since then, I’ve been teaching guys how to duplicate my results through my step by step, easy to use, system of picking up women during the daytime.

5. What was your hardest/biggest sticking point?

This is easy. My biggest sticking point was my limiting belief that it was impossible for me to date someone that was older than me, taller than me, and blonde (occasionally brunettes). It took some time before I actually got over it.

Everything was different back where I was from. Everyone there placed blonde people on a pedestal. It’s crazy but it's true. I remember instances, when I was growing up, where I'd see a blonde girl walk through the mall and all the heads would instantly turn towards her direction. People would be walking out of her way and a lot would be mesmerized just by her mere presence. It was ridiculous but that’s the society I lived in.

When I first moved here it was one of my biggest sticking points. I've identified it as a problem but it wouldn't go away. That’s when I decided to challenge myself. I wanted to prove myself wrong. I wanted to prove everyone wrong. Since then I decided to only date girls that are older than me, taller than me, or blonde. It was a self fulfilling prophecy. I realized that it was a stupid limiting belief. It was just all in my head. The reason why I wouldn't be successful in the past was because I expected failure. It was all negative thinking which wasn't productive at all.

Ever since then I've converted a lot of guys from skeptics to believers. Believers that it can be done. Believers that it is possible to get a girl through personality and communication. Being a minority isn’t a problem at all. Being Asian will only work against you if you believe that it does.

6. Do you have a favorite routine/step in your model, can you describe it, and what it accomplishes?

It's actually a phase not a routine. It's what I call emotional connection. Emotional connection is what I call The Heart of Day Game.

A lot of guys out there focus too much on attracting girls and making them laugh. But there’s more to attracting a girl then just making her laugh.

How often do you think a girl laughs in a day?
- Someone tells a joke, she laughs
- Her friend makes a funny sound, she laughs
- Something embarrassing happens, she laughs
- Someone tells a story, she laughs
- She spends time with her family, she laughs

A girl laughs several times in a day. It's something common. If you can make a girl laugh then you definitely got an advantage, and a couple more minutes to talk to her but it shouldn't stop there. You should be able to build an emotional connection with her too.

I have a theory on the power of emotional connection. Let’s step into a girl’s shoes for awhile.

Growing up, she probably watched her share of Disney or romantic movies where there’s this prince charming that's different from everybody else. She’s been dreaming of this guy ever since she was a kid. This guy who would just sweep her of her feet, connects with her on a deep level, and gives her the experience of a lifetime.

High school comes and this prince charming never arrives. Well, a couple of chumps might come along the way but never the one she's been dreaming about. Then she probably tells herself: "You know what, I’ll just settle for what's available. After all you can only find guys like those in movies". After that realization, she'll go for the guys that everyone else desires. She'll probably settle for guys that can satisfy her logically, physically, but never emotionally. Years pass by and she's forgotten about her dreams.

Then you come along.

How often does a stranger walk up to a girl in a confident manner, and instantly make her comfortable? Makes her laugh a little bit and then connects with her logically, emotionally, and physically. They end up opening there souls to one another on the very first day that they meet. He taps into a certain side of her that’s been unavailable to most guys all these years. He relates to her on all levels and thus an emotional connection is born. He ends up creating an emotional connection that is so strong that she ends up remembering him all her life.

This is very powerful.
This can't be faked.
It’s an acquired skill that I help my students develop

7. Have you had the experience yet, where you feel that you've reached a certain degree of mastery? Can you explain the time, and how you got the realization?

My biggest realization is that you can break all the rules and still get the girl. You don't have to have the best opener in order for the girl to talk to you. Sometimes "Hey, What’s going on?" or "I like you shirt, you have awesome style" would work wonders for you.

It’s not a crime to ask boring rapport questions like "So, where you from?" or "What do you do for a living?" if you know where you're leading the conversation.

A lot of people get sucked in into thinking that there's a certain way that things should be done and anything else other than that is just plain wrong. It took me years to realize that anything will work if you do it right. A girl's attraction towards you is caused by the way you carry yourself and the things you communicate by your body language, voice tonality, facial expressions, mannerisms, and emotional projection. I know it's been said a lot but the words you say aren't nearly as important as to how you say it. I believe that being comfortable with expressing oneself and beliefs combined with the right frame of thinking and execution will produce amazing results when done right.

Being able to just act cool and natural and still generate attraction consistently with women is a level that I’m glad I’ve reached.

8. What advice would you give to newbies starting out, in order to greatly accelerate their learning curve?

There's a process that you will go through in learning everything you need to know in order to be successful with women. This is an ongoing and repetitive process. This will go on until you get to the point where you're satisfied with your skill level.

Discover: You have to gather as much information as you can on the subject matter. It is very important to have access to the right information. There's a lot of stuff out there that will actually work against you. You have to be smart with your choices. Remember that information is not power but potential power.

Plan: You have to come up with a SOLID GAME PLAN. A plan that will get you to where you ultimately want to go. It's going to be broken down to years, months, weeks, and days.

Act: Gathering information and creating a plan alone won't get you anywhere. You need to be able to carry out the plan and religiously stick to it until you see results. This is the stage where a lot of people just give up. They give up because there's no one out there helping them out. There's no one out there to point them to the right direction. There's no one out there critiquing them on their strong and weak points.

9. What's your belief on inner game, and how did you improve it?

Working on both inner and outer game, at the same time, helped me in my overall progress. It’s important to have a balance between the two. Working your inner game first will eventually get you the results you want but it’s going to take time. Working on your outer game first would build your confidence and increase your inner game but you’ll still need to work out some inner game issues in the end. Working on both simultaneously creates magic.

10. Do you have a personal favorite field report (your own) that you could relay?

There was this one incident in my workplace. She was this tall, attractive girl who worked in the cosmetic section (later on I found out she was a stripper). In the past I would always try to just talk to her and push it as far as I could. This time everything was different.

It was break time. She was sitting down in the eating area. I was getting a drink from the vending machine. Here’s how it went:

Grungey10: (gets drink)
Hbstrippercoworker: Why are you drinking diet coke? (in a sarcastic tone)

Grungey10: Ohhhh baby… Ohh baby… I have to keep this sexy little body so I can impress you, remember? Or else you won’t find me hot anymore (smirks and ignores her for a bit)

Hbstrippercoworker: Omg, you’re so cocky… rolls her eyes, giggles, and continues reading her magazine.

Grungey10: (I Pull a chair in front of her, Put my feet up on a chair, eat her chips then I say) what you reading?

Hbstrippercoworker: (looks at me, pushes the magazine towards me and says) Well I think you should read it. You probably need it. *It was an article titled “How to please a woman every time”*

Grungey10: Oh that's cute. You’re moving a little fast for me though. I don’t put out that easy, I'm a high maintenance slut. You’d have to wine me and dine me before I put out. Nice try, you're too cute for me though. If you were a few inches taller, I'd consider it. Oh well, that's life… so sad… Sucks, but yeah...

Hbstrippercoworker: Omg you're such a jerk… lol… so how old are you?

Grungey10: the question is, how old are you?

Hbstrippercoworker: Uhm just turned 18

Grungey10: ooohhhh barely legal. Well, you're too young for me. I like older girls.

Hbstrippercoworker: No really, how old are you?

Grungey10: old enough (I stand up and start walking away)

Hbstrippercoworker: (starts chasing me down the hallway) no really. How old are you? Come on don’t tease me.

Grungey10: Whoa… Slow down there kiddo, first you flirt with me and now you’re chasing me down the hallway. You’ve been watching way too much romantic movies haven’t you?

Hbstrippercoworker: You're funny, I like you. You can avoid the age thing all you want but we definitely have to hang out one of these days.

Grungey10: We'll see

(Later on during that day she walks up to me while I was in the middle of a sales transaction. She grabs my hand non chalantly, writes her number down, and walks away)

Grungey10: (Then I look at my customer and say) Girls nowadays, aiy ya yay…

(fast forward to 10 pm when the store closes. I get into my car and just before I could back up she shows up. Goes near my window, smiles, then flicks me off)

Grungey10: (I get out of my car she turns around, I get in her face) Hey, if you wanted to kiss me you didn't have to flick me off you know? You could have just said so and I would have gladly denied you of your request.

Hbstrippercoworker: You're too much for me too handle… come here (she kisses me)

I'll stop this field report here. If we ever meet you can ask me what happened afterwards =p

11. What is your current sticking point (if any)?

I'm working on building a huge social circle out here in Arizona. It's definitely been fun lately specially when all the hard work finally pays off and meeting people is as easy as crossing the street. My current sticking point has to do with toning down game for the college environment. I have to remind myself from time to time to tone it down. The main skills you should focus on, when gaming in college, are vibing, wide and deep rapport skills, story telling, frame control, and that’s sums it up. Anything else is overkill in my experience.

12. What are you goals now within the community, and in life?

I enjoy teaching guys how to communicate better with women. Like everything else in life; it's a skill. It's not something you're born with but something you develop later on. The guys that are phenomenal with women weren’t always like that. They had to learn it early on. They had to fail before they succeeded. They probably had good role models to look up to.

It's not hard at all to learn how to meet women during the day.

I've broken the process down to a simple, effective, and easy to use step by step system that goes from meeting a girl all the way to getting a number, kiss, instant date, and bringing her home the very same day.

If you want to be successful in meeting women during the day then

1. You must have drive, motivation, patience, and persistence.
2. You at least have to be passionate about getting good at this.
3. You must be willing to fail in order to succeed.
4. You will practice everything you learn in the seminar and integrate it into your life.

All of these will help you out in the long run.

Grungey10 has signed up to be our "Day Game Columinst" here at the Attraction Chronicles. He's already sent me a few articles, but I wanted to wait until you got to know him before posting them. Stay tuned, after the holidays they will be posted.
Captivate To Connect

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posted by Donovan at 4:36 PM Dating Advice for Men

9 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good stuff, Can't wait to read the articles.

8:03 PM, June 29, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

cant w8 for the articles..

2:27 AM, June 30, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey I go to SDSU it's a big college party atmosphere as in AZ. Do you mind expanding on your points relating specifically for the college scene, because I'm just not pulling as I should when I know there is an abundance of opportunities around me. Thanks.

lawrencecis@gmail.com

6:48 AM, June 30, 2006  
Blogger grungey10 said...

I'm working on the articles. It should be done soon. Regarding College, I've come up with a system I use for classrooms, parties, and etc. It's slightly different than the methods we have out now. I'll keep you guys poster.

Rock on
Grungey10

12:26 PM, June 30, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As an asian american, great stuff and hope to hear nothing but good things from you, rock on.

12:45 PM, July 20, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Today, I was supposed to give up already. But really, you just gave me that spark. Galing mo. Thanks for that.

Leonmagnum@Gmail.com

5:41 AM, August 11, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You say the most important thing is no to show interest at first but in your video the first thing you say to the girl is something to the effect of "your really cute"

How were you not showing interest?

8:19 AM, May 22, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not trying to be an a$$ here but grungey is a 100% fake with a lot of blind spots to workout, i'm positive everyone reading this is further along than he is in the game. Don't let his articles (that he made using general information from the community) fool you, they could sound good, but know this guy does not get laid, he does not get hot chicks, hes a fake.

1:00 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not sure if my last comment made it. WARNING Grungey is a 100% fake. He is not a master of seduction. He is a professional scam artist. I'm positive that all the guys reading his articles are light years ahead of him in the game and in life. He lacks social skills and everything in his interview is a lie. He just memorizes the material of other legit experts and spits it back out at you for a lot of money. Not trying to be an a$$ i'm just warning you guys to not give away your power to someone and think there some expert just because it says they are because this guy is a fake.

1:04 PM, June 29, 2007  

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Tynan's Angels

6.27.2006

posted by Donovan at 2:52 PM

Remember Herbal (Tynan) from the Game? I've become good mates with him, and he asked me to make you all aware of a new project he's working on. I think it's kick ass, and a valuable addition to the community.

It's called Tynan's Angels.

The basic concept is women of exceptional beauty are chosen by Tynan to write columns about picking them up. Basically their field reports, pet peeves, strategies and inner workings. It's a great read. I think you guys will really enjoy it. We might even be doing some joint-posts down the line.

Meet the Angels:

Cristina
Cristina

Evan
Evan

Nora
Nora

Guess which one loves me!

That's right, none, I haven't met em yet.

Check it out here:

http://www.tynansangels.com
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posted by Donovan at 2:52 PM Dating Advice for Men

3 Comments:

Anonymous Tynan said...

Thanks for the link!

12:14 AM, June 29, 2006  
Anonymous Evan said...

Dearest Donovan,

Thanks so much for checking us out. The Angels love you!

8:54 AM, June 29, 2006  
Blogger josh howerton said...

well im in love with nora!

9:22 AM, June 30, 2006  

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Winterfresh Attraction Chronicles Ripoff?

6.26.2006

posted by Donovan at 1:56 PM

Hey guys,

Do you think these Winterfresh commercials are ripping off the name of this blog, and some techniques taught by the community?

Check it here:

http://coolbreathpower.com/ - Go watch a video, and select the one with the Peacock.



Let me hear what you think of this!

Donovan
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posted by Donovan at 1:56 PM Dating Advice for Men

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Absolutely! Peacocking?? Literally. No doubt.

6:26 AM, June 27, 2006  
Anonymous Seduction said...

Maybe.. who knows..

8:25 PM, June 28, 2006  

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Shy guy? How to get some guts

6.25.2006

posted by Donovan at 3:31 PM

This was an article written by Neil Strauss for Happen Magazine reposted on MSN.

Several years ago, a friend and I devised a plan to meet women. Since we were too intimidated to start conversations with the array of beautiful, interesting prospects constantly passing by on the street and in the subway, we thought we'd start somewhere less advanced. So we met in the lobby of a youth hostel one Saturday afternoon. We figured the guests there would be more than excited to meet two nice guys who could show them around the city.

We sat there for almost two hours and talked to no one. As all manner of students, backpackers, and leggy Scandinavians went by, we knew everything we wanted to say to start a conversation in our minds. Yet our mouths wouldn't move. We left with our heads hung in shame, forced to a dreadful conclusion: Once a wallflower, always a wallflower.

But that was then; this is now.

A few years ago, I decided to take a more proactive approach to de-shying myself. I hunted down the so-called greatest "ladies men" in the world and begged for help. (It's funny how I could be so aggressive with men but so shy around women.) I called them, sent them emails, and signed up for any classes and seminars they offered, wherever that might be. When I found a few who seemed to have something substantial to offer, I began hanging out with them and picking their brains for everything they knew. And I was transformed from shy to socially comfortable. To save you the trouble of traveling the world and hanging out with some of the unsavory (and savory) characters I did, here are some tips on getting some guts.

Act confident (even if you don't feel that way). The two words of advice you’ll hear the most: "Be confident." This is usually delivered as if it's an easy-to-follow directive, like, "Finish your meal." But one can’t just be confident on command, right? Well, maybe you can be.

I once wrote a book with Marilyn Manson. And he shared his philosophy for success with me: "If you act like a rock star, people will treat you like a rock star." The same applies to social interactions: Fake it till you make it. Act as if you were secure, attractive, charismatic, fun to be around, and deserving of people’s attention and time. Imagine yourself to be someone else if you have to—I actually got hypnotized to believe I was 50 feet tall and made of indestructible steel. And I had a piece of paper full of cheesy suggestions for an improved attitude - "I deserve the best the world has to offer" — that I'd look at from time to time. To be honest, saying and repeating these things doesn't make them true, but after you start to have a few successful interactions, you might just be surprised to find yourself actually starting to believe them.

Prepare a script
If you're not one of those guys who always says the perfect thing on the spot, then start thinking of the perfect thing in advance. Prepare a script, like a telemarketer making a sales call. Some of the ice-breakers I kept handy - based on the idea that everyone likes to give their opinion - included gathering suggestions for names. I'd say my friend rescued a three-legged cat from a shelter; what name should it be given? Or that a friend was opening a 70's memorabilia shop-what name should it go by? Before I even went out to meet women, I'd practice the conversation-starters with friends, so that I was comfortable saying them.

When you're talking with your friends and tell a story that makes everyone laugh, write it down and keep it on a list. This way, you'll never be stuck for something to say after your opener, when that conversation with someone new starts to wane. "Oh my God! Guess what happened to me," you can interject, and then tell your story.

Push yourself through the pain period
When it comes to unlikely people to turn to for dating advice, Arnold Schwarzenegger would definitely be one of them. But while watching the movie Pumping Iron, I discovered the motivation I needed to get out of my head and into the real world. He said that what separates the competent bodybuilders from the true champions is that the champs are willing to go through what he calls the "pain period." This means pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone - to a place your body and mind might not necessarily want to go - and putting up with the pain because, in the long run, it will make you great.

So I applied the same technique to my interactions with women. Whenever I was scared to approach one, I tried to push myself through the fear. What helped was having a good friend with me, whom I'd instruct at the beginning of the night to force me to approach strangers. For the first few nights, I actually told him that I'd pay him a dollar every time I wussed out. This motivated him to make it hard for me, and it motivated me to work harder because I was running out of money.

So the next time you find yourself in a conversation with a new person, and things start to get awkward or you feel like you've run out of things to say, push yourself into the pain period. Try to keep the conversation going for at least five or ten minutes. You'll probably surprise yourself. If not, there's always another person with whom you can practice chatting.

Handle awkward moments with ease
Even if you find yourself stuttering, asking the same question three times or saying something stupid, there's a solution: Pretend it's her "fault." Take a deep breath, and say, with a big smile on your face "Stop it. You're making me nervous. I can see you undressing me with your eyes. I'm not a piece of meat, you know. I have a brain." She’ll know you’re joking and appreciate your sense of humor. It's amazing what a woman's smile will do for your confidence.

That said, if you feel awkward, if things aren't going well or if the people you're talking to are rude, here's the last piece of advice you need. Say three words: "Pleasure meeting you," and leave politely. You never know when you may be talking to them again. Occasionally, I found that even when someone was rude, if she later saw me having a fun, animated conversation with other people in the bar, she'd come over and apologize, and I'd have another chance with her.

For me, the interesting thing is that in two years of approaching thousands of women, nothing bad happened. As long as I wasn't rude, overbearing, or creepy - and as long as I was considerate to the men in the group - not only were there no fistfights, but even the rejections were polite. No one is going to hurt you. Chances are, your only enemy is yourself. So get out there, give it a try, and get social.
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posted by Donovan at 3:31 PM Dating Advice for Men

2 Comments:

Blogger Sean said...

That's a great article by Neil.

You really don't need to read much more than that. Just a little of the right knowledge, and a LOT of the right practice with guys who are already better than you, and you can change your life.

4:38 PM, June 26, 2006  
Anonymous silentific said...

I agree, great article.

8:55 AM, June 27, 2006  

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