I enjoyed this email from David. Helps put some certain things in perspective.QUESTION FROM A READER:
Hello, I am reading your book now and it's great, the cocky guy thing is working 100%. I actually got 5 #'s in 4 days! WOW :) Thanks! My Q is, I met a girl online, she gave me her #, I called her we met, got dinner, drinks, then made out! Cool stuff! She says she is having the greatest time, blah blah blah. When I kissed her, and made out a little, she then says, slow down its the first date. I felt bad for going on so fast. So I said sorry. When we went home (2 different directions) everything was cool, (looked like it at least) I said, "ok, thanks, great time blah blah" the i said "You want me to call u or u gonna call me?" She goes "I'll call u, u call me its all good" SO it ended good, (i think) NOW, Should I CALL HER the next day or not?
P.S. she wants to go out to a different town with me for the weekend to have fun. HOW DO I ACT SO I DONT LOOK LIKE A WUSS AND EASY TO GET GUY!??!?!?MY COMMENTS:
OK, well ready yourself.
I'm about to do some of my "David D. Quack-Psycho-Analysis" on you. Emphasis on the Psycho.
In a one paragraph email, you managed to tell me about a MINIMUM of three major mistakes that you made with this particular girl. If I really thought about it, I could probably find another few in there as well.
So hug your inner child and tell him that everything is going to be OK before I verbally abuse him...
Here are the three mistakes that I noticed right off the bat:
1) Making out with her somewhere other than at your house (or her house).
2) Apologizing for making out with her.
3) Asking her if you should call her, of if she should call you.
I'll address each one in a minute in detail, but first let me start off with some of my Quack theories.
One of the things I say a lot is "Women Aren't Attracted To Wussies".
I say this because:
1) It's true.
2) If you don't understand this principle, you're likely to make mistakes that clearly "telegraph" to a woman that you're a Wuss.
3) When it all comes down, if a woman doesn't feel ATTRACTION for you, or you somehow manage to screw up and KILL the ATTRACTION she's feeling... you're done. Game over.
I think that most of us guys have these little secret beliefs that we hide from the rest of the world... and that we TRY to hide from women.
I was having an interesting discussion with a good friend today, and we were talking about how most guys act when they're around an "attractive" woman.
Most guys do one of the following:
- Give attractive women a lot of compliments immediately.
- Kiss up to attractive women.
- Try to get attractive women to like them by buying them gifts, dinners and flowers.
- Chase after attractive women and let it be known that the woman is "a prize worth pursuing" right from the beginning.
- Hand over all of their power and status to attractive women.
Know what I'm talking about?
Have you ever seen a guy at dinner with a beautiful woman... and he's obviously nervous about the whole situation... and you can tell that he's doing everything he can to NOT screw up so he can get the woman's approval?
Have you ever BEEN THAT GUY?
Yeah, me too. A lot.
Well, unfortunately, this kind of behavior usually BACKFIRES BIG TIME.
All of the little things that most guys do to get a woman's approval send a clear message to the woman that:
"I'M A WUSSY. I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT YOU WOULD LIKE ME FOR WHO I AM, SO I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO RESORT TO EXTREME MEASURES TO GET YOU TO PAY ATTENTION TO ME."
Now that I understand this particular aspect of male/female interactions, I can see the horrible results all around me.
At bars I watch guys walking up to women and giving compliments... or offering to buy drinks... and the women smiling politely thinking, "Oh, another loser", and excusing themselves...
I see men at dinner with their dates... DESPERATELY trying to get the women they're with to show any sign of interest... but the women only become colder and less interested... And I know that the women are only getting ANNOYED at this behavior...
I read personal ads in the paper and online from men who are saying "Hey, pick me! I'm a great guy! No, really!"... and I know that the women reading these ads are saying to themselves "Yeah, loser"... and the guys are getting little or no
I think you get the picture.
The point I'm making is that when you do things like asking her if she wants you to call her or if she wants to call you... and apologizing for making out with her, you are making the same basic mistake.
Why would you apologize for making out with a woman?
I mean, think about it.
You're not REALLY sorry... otherwise you would not have done it in the first place. Duh.
You were actually LYING when you said you were sorry. You were only sorry that she didn't want to continue, man.
When you said, "I'm sorry", what she HEARD was "Uh oh, I just screwed up. I'd better say something quick to fix this. I will put aside my own wants and desires, and say whatever you want to hear in hopes that you'll like me and give me
attention and approval".
It's actually even WORSE than that.
The reality of this situation is that when you apologized, you created a POWER SHIFT.
The power shifted from YOU to HER.
You felt it, and she felt it.
I guarantee that in the few seconds after you said "I'm sorry", you felt a sinking feeling in your stomach and knew something was wrong. But I ALSO guarantee that she felt a little SURGE of power AT THAT VERY MOMENT.
At the same moment you were realizing that you just did something wrong, she was realizing that she OWNED YOU.
Unfortunately, she probably also felt a little bit of disappointment in you, because you were apologizing for something just to get her approval... and women don't WANT to own men.
Heavy man, heavy.
And the SAME thing happened in the moment that you asked her if she wanted you to call her or if she wanted to call you (but probably to a lesser degree).
That's one of those little moments where you basically said "Here, take the power. Tell me what you want me to do, and I'll do it. You get to make the decisions. Please tell me that you want me to call you, because that will affirm that you like me".
Keep this up, and you'll probably wind up a boyfriend who she eventually cheats on... or, even worse, a boyfriend who she eventually marries and then divorces because you turned into a boring Wussy husband from hell.
So, my general advice to you is:
Stop doing things that let her know that she OWNS you.
One of the best things you can do is learn to PAUSE before you respond to ANYTHING that makes you feel an "Emotional Wussy Rush".
If she says something that indicates that she's not happy with you or your behavior, PAUSE.
Don't respond. Stay still. Keep the mouth shut and the brain operating.
If you have to, run everything through your mental "Wussy Analyzer".
Decide if the response you're going to give her is to get her approval, and if it is, STOP.
Don't do things that hand over the power in the relationship. Don't let the things a woman says shake you emotionally.
Finally, I want to address your mistake of making out with her somewhere other than in your house or her house.
I'm sure the reason is obvious, right?
One of the best things I've learned is that if you LEAN BACK when you're out on a date with a girl, and don't try to "make your move" early on, you'll do MUCH better later.
You mentioned that you're reading my eBook right now... and it sounds like you're actually doing pretty well. If you've gotten five women's numbers in four days, I think you're going to live... lol.
Pay close attention, because in my eBook I share some KILLER techniques for making
it completely "natural" for a woman to come back to your place, come inside, etc. and the exact steps to take, to take things to a "physical level" once you're there.
Most guys totally screw this part up.
They go to all the trouble to approach a woman, get her number, call her, get a date, go on the date, pay for the date, spend all that time... and then have NO IDEA what to do next.
The reality is that if you just KNOW WHAT TO DO, and you've prepared in advance, you can easily take things to the next level... and give her an experience that will make her DEFINITELY call you back for another date.
Make sure you read the bonus booklets that came with Double Your Dating... especially "Bridges" and "Sex Secrets". Those will teach you how to smoothly transition from one step to the next, and how to get a woman sexually aroused (a skill that almost NO men have).
...and if you're reading this right now and you would like to learn the secrets of how to get a woman to come home with you and WANT to come inside with you after a date... and the exact steps to take once you're there to make sure that you DON'T get a response like this guy... then you need to check out my eBook and my Advanced Dating Techniques CD/DVD program.
I have spent the last several years of my life learning from guys who are AMAZING with women, and figuring out all kinds of simple, easy-to-use techniques just like the ones I've mentioned for getting a woman to come home with you, getting a woman "turned on", and taking things to a "physical level" in a way that she'll enjoy. In my eBook I share dozens of these ideas.
You can download it right now, and be reading it in a few minutes... Just go here
I'll talk to you again soon.
Your Friend,David D.