What Do You Say... Bitchshield or Just Shy?
9.09.2006
posted by Donovan at 3:22 PMOk guys, I might start something new here at Attraction Chronicles.
This is a trial but I'll see if we can't get some conversation going, and get you guys to GIVE answers to fellow Chronicles readers who may be less experienced. Simply post a comment below!
Question:
"I used to think some hot girls had this huge BITCHSHIELD, although I've noticed lately that alot of the women I like, are just naturally quieter, and shy (than most other hot girls, but still have killer personalities, and lives). What is the quickest and most effective way to get them to open up, and start building comfort and rapport with me?
D
posted by Donovan at 3:22 PM Dating Advice for Men
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6 Comments:
Try light banter and you'll find she'll start opening up. Light kino as well, that helps to open up shy girls.
You could do that, and if you take things SLOWER, step-by-step instead of RUSHING, she will gain more trust for you. Thats key...2. Make friends with her friends, and gain there trUst.
It sometimes just takes longer espcially if you want her as a gf.
You might be over thinking this. One thing that we often don't talk enough about here is congruency.
It really isn't a matter of technique or what to "do." As long as you are congruent--as in whatever you say or do matches the genuine personality you've developed from within yourself--the woman will feel comfortable and open up to you.
Women only resist rapport when they sense, even slightly, that your words/actions are somehow false.
If you're a warm charmer, be a warm charmer. She'll open up.
If you're a cocky-funny badboy, be a cocky-funny badboy. She'll open up.
If you're a sensual Casanova, be a sensual Casanova. She'll open up.
If you're a classy gentleman, be a classy gentleman. She'll open up.
You just have to grow internally as a man. Learn who you really are underneath all that psychological baggage and bad social programming. Once you've determined what your identity is, you can consider how a man like you would act, and then act accordingly.
It is not easy, but it is simple.
Donovan,
Don't forget about this excellent post regarding bitch shields:
http://attraction-chronicles.blogspot.com/2006/06/girls-are-friendly-myth-of-btch-shield_08.html
Shy, quiet, beautiful women are often very smart. They know it and they want brains to set them apart more than looks. Where some women think beauty is a blessing, smart women may see it as a curse. All women get angry and sad after years of men refusing to see and engage their minds, but it is far worse with extremely smart ones. I work with a lot of HB9 and HB9.5 women who have near-genius level IQs. Once they see you patiently engage their intellectual side, they'll chase you.
I like a slight twist on the Scared Little Friend frame (credit Dmitri/Woodhaven/Stephane?). She gets scared you think she is a bimbo. Let congruence and patience convince her that you are an intellectual equal who hungers for the same kind of stimulation she does.
Silver
These answers sound like AFC advice.
Shyness is caused by a lack of social confidence and hypersensitivity to other people's opinions. Social proof is the best answer because her friends' positive reactions to you will bolster her confidence to interact with you.
However, don't confuse a shy girl with an anti-social girl or a girl who is emotionally and pathologically unable to open up to others.
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