5.25.2006posted by Donovan at 9:26 AM
This is what my mate Zack wanted to share about Tyler Durden's "When To Call... What To Say If She Flakes... How To Finally Handle It!" I thought his points and perspective were helpful:
We both know that the subject of calling and flakiness is one of the biggest obstacles men face when they're in the process of increasing their success with women, so feel free to post this. I hope my thoughts will be of some help to our fellow guys. First, however, let me tell you a bit about myself and how far along I am in improving my dating life. I believe it is important to know where a person is coming from before listening to what they think:
My name is Zack. I'm 23 years old. I'm 5 ' 7, skinny, and a decent-looking guy. Like many others, my life was an endless cycle of frustration, failure, and low self-esteem until recently. David DeAngelo's "Double Your Dating" is what helped me change that. I've only been practicing his teachings for 8 months and I haven't yet checked out material from the other big names in the "seduction community", but the improvement has been HUGE. I see women all the time and I can get phone numbers easily. I'm still growing and evolving, so my view on the calling-flaking topic may change in the future (I don't think that even the best eventually master this stuff, you can always get better and life is a continuous learning process); nonetheless, I feel experienced enough to comment.
BEING PERSISTENT FOR THE WRONG REASON
Many guys fall into the trap of repeated effort with a woman due to a mindset that says "Oh, but this one is interesting" when in reality, the real reason they keep attempting to build a presence in her life or set up a date is BECAUSE she's being distant and evasive. When a woman makes it difficult for me to get in touch or meet with her, I only continue trying if I'm actually interested enough in hanging out with her. I've got more women than I know what to do with and I meet more constantly (not to mention that I also have a life).
Out of the dozens of girls who give me their contact info every week, a few make stronger impressions than the rest. I just don't have time to keep calling every single lady who acts unresponsive, especially if she is not one of the women who triggered a higher level of interest from me when we met. I do what Tyler recommends if my higher level of interest in the woman is genuine, not a result of her being elusive.
A good rule to have when dealing with flaky or hard to get-women is this: Don't apply the "NEXT!" attitude indiscriminately to all the women you meet. If she made enough of an impression on you during that first encounter, don't be a dumbass and dismiss her...get the ball rolling! But if she's one of the girls whom you couldn't even remember, move on! A limitless number of other women are waiting in the wings.
SITUATIONS ARE DIFFERENT
In my experience, I have found that most attractive women don't have regular access to alpha-men who are sexually skilled and understand attraction. Many aren't lucky enough to even run across one. I know so many attractive women who, prior to my having met them, hadn't had sex in over 3 months. The majority of attractive women are bored with men or are "sexually dormant", as DeAngelo would say. Sure, they might be sleeping with their ex-boyfriend, some bad boy, or "a player on the side", and these guys may have "game" or be more physically attractive than you...but men who have it all together, are going somewhere in life, know attraction INSIDE-OUT, and can give women UNBELIEVABLE experiences in the bedroom are RARE.
Attractive women do typically have options, but those "options" are usually average chumps or players with limited skill. Since this is the situation I most often face, not calling too much, not calling too soon, and not spending too much time on the phone works extremely well. Now there are times when I meet a woman who does have many options that include men like me. I don't meet this kind of woman often, and I don't always experience a higher level of interest in her when I do. But assuming I AM specifically interested in meeting with her, I do the things that Tyler advises if she starts flaking or not calling me...and it works.
To surmise: Projecting "scarcity and value" will work on MOST attractive women you'll meet. But if you're interested in meeting with one who has many equally smooth or smoother guys available to her, you have to handle the situation differently. Call as many times as you need to and spend as much time talking to her as you feel comfortable with; just be playful, calm, and indifferent about it, i.e. don't be a wussbag.
AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT WAY TO HANDLE THIS
I have some news for you: Everything I have said so far is how I USED to view the whole problem of flakiness, unreturned calls, and "women with options."
While dismissing women based on interest-level and judging different situations are still good ideas for newbies, there is a MUCH SIMPLER philosophy you can embrace. In fact, it's so simple that when it first occurred to me a few months ago I slapped myself in the head and thought "I'm so STUPID, why didn't I look at it that way before!"
Here it is in a nutshell:
Stop caring whether or not a woman has options and just focus on BEING THE BEST OPTION. Wow, I know...DUH.
Try to follow me here. Tyler is correct when he says that if a woman with options (good options) doesn't call you or flakes on you, it doesn't mean she isn't attracted you; she just has A LOT of quality men on her plate and you're simply "one of the many." But what you also have to realize is that out of the many skilled and attractive men she has on speed dial, she probably sees one or two of them more often than the rest. Obviously, she likes these guys THE MOST. All the others serve as backup choices when one of the "top two" isn't available.
When you think about that, it becomes clear that attraction is "quantifiable."
Most hot women don't feel attraction AT ALL for almost all the guys in their lives and do feel it for a few of them. Other hot women feel attraction for MOST of the men they know but feel EVEN GREATER ATTRACTION for a small number of those men. Once you understand this, your frame of mind should be simple: Work endlessly on being as attractive as you possibly can; believe that YOU are the best option the women you meet can have.
When you completely dedicate yourself to being a man that no sane woman would "shuffle down the list", guess what...she will ALMOST ALWAYS see you as a guy who deserves priority. If you develop your body language, eye contact, physical presence, voice tone, and social skills to a level that is RIDICULOUS (that's what you've gotta shoot for), all the options a woman might have won't make a difference. Your impression will stand out in her mind.
This idea skyrocketed my success with women. Now I don't "decide" if I want to continue trying to connect with a woman or forget her, I do whatever I want. I know I am the best option and therefore, I can call or not call, keep conversations brief or longer, call often or sparingly, and it doesn't matter! She still feels MORE ATTRACTED to me than to any of her other guys, regardless if they're skilled players or regular chumps.
I very rarely find myself in a situation where the woman I'm interested in hanging out with has one or more guys who are really good options. Those times that I do, I simply know that whoever I'm "competing against" is better at attraction than I am...and then I find these dudes and learn from them!
So there you have it. When a woman with options makes it tough for you, it's not because "she has options"; it's because she has GOOD options who might be better selections over you. Be the best option! When you do this, you'll notice that 99 percent of the time...you'll be the one who gets her.
Labels: david deangelo
posted by Donovan at 9:26 AM Dating Advice for Men