11.19.2006posted by Donovan at 9:15 AM
Stephen (PlayboyLA from The Game) just blogged a very revealing post on his experiences with the community, and how not to get fooled.
Why You Might Be Wasting Your Time
I tend to meet with client once per week these days, and a very common theme has emerged. Many of them emerge from working various programs, attending various workshops, reading every book known to man, only to be more frustrated and downtrodden because it doesn't seem to work out for them.
The carrot can't be caught in other words...
Not to entirely frustrate you, but usually guys who are good at the 'game' were good at it already...or pretty good at it already...the only brain which thinks a bunch of lines and gimmicks are going to work is the same brain that led you to be frustrated, lonely, and socially awkward in the first place. Let me repeat that:
"the only brain which thinks a bunch of lines and gimmicks are going to work is the same brain that led you to be frustrated, lonely, and socially awkward in the first place"
In other words, your diagnosis might be a bit off.
The community - whether it's a competing company, a web-board, a lair..whatever - thrives on dangling a carrot out there in front of you claiming that your life will change in 13 seconds if you just buy this product...etc...
This methodology is certainly lucrative - just ask Tony Robbins - but it doesn't usually translate into success. THERE IS NO QUICK FIX TO YOUR PROBLEM...and anyone who claims otherwise doesn't deserve your attention, money, time, or bandwidth.
Most of what you read online is total BS by the way - the webboards which feature endless posts by supposed experts are normally 30% truth. I have watched so many guys doctor and change their posts to relay a much larger, and more glorified representation of the truth. HB6's suddenly are HB9's etc.
So, what follows is a reasonable expectation for you - something actually attainable - and not something designed to get you to purchase my products.
1) Begin - analyze your social life. How many friends do you have? How many are male and how many are female? How often do you see them? How often do you go out with a friend or a group of friends? How do you meet new women (if at all)? How do you make friends? If you have had a relationship, how did it happen? (In my experience, a guy tends to meet women the same way his entire life - so, if the last 9 girlfriends you had were met via another friend, my money is on the next one happening that way IN SPITE of how you feel about cold approaches).
2) Once you have written down some honest answers, give yourself SMALL goals to reach with a month's time to reach them. So, if your social circle is 5 people - try to double it in a month's time. Within a month, your circle has grown to 10...
3) If you don't meet 5 new people on a weekly basis, your social life is not active enough. If that is the case, you need to branch out. Here are some ideas:
- cold approach (notice how this is one of 7 ways...)
MOST couples come together via social circle - NOT THROUGH COLD APPROACHING - so, why waste your time trying to get good at that when you can easily get good at the others, meet TONS of new women (and make cool guy friends) and improve your lifestyle as a result?
Why put your life on hold just to get laid? Why not accelerate your life forward, and then get laid or even....meet someone for a relationship...
4) Lead your social circle - study all about John Goddard, make your list, get started and then invite everyone else to come along for the ride...LEAD in other words. Become the magnet to mission, purpose and excitement.
5) And by the way - what IS your mission or purpose in your life anyway?? Do you know? If not, now would be a good time to write a bit about that and start to get an idea...nothing as unattractive as a loose balloon being blown about by the wind...
6) Go to a tailor and get fitted for your sizes right away. Never buy clothing that doesn't fit again.
7) Get in shape - go to the gym MINIMUM 3 times per week. And if you want to know...I swim...and love it...great for the mind, body, joints, you name it.
8) Clean your apartment - do it tonight. Wash the dishes when you're done eating, and make your bed in the morning.
9) Go to the dentist, and have your teeth cleaned. Be sure to correct any bad breath issues you may have. You might be the nicest, coolest, most handsome guy in the world - and with bad breath, you'll never see approaching lips...
10) Stop wasting your time doing things you like, and only go things you love...
Now remember, set reasonable expectations on your progress. Nothing worthwhile is going to happen in even a month. But a year from now - and trust me, that is not long and is WAY shorter than the amount of time needed to get good at the cold approach - you can expect very significant progress and change, if you are diligent and disciplined.
If you want a girlfriend, and a healthy relationship - YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME DOING COLD APPROACHES. You must create a lifestyle and image which are attractive and healthy - you can't have a healthy relationship with another until you have one with yourself - which means honoring your deepest wishes, and the precious time you have here on earth (this is first and foremost)! Stop wasting time...start really living, and watch as your entire framework for relating to women change.
And to finish the first paragraph - my job, as a reporter recently noted, is to rewire guys away from the community beliefs, into beliefs which actually serve and are rooted in REALITY...that's what I do about once per week...not bad, but a shame that so many well-intentioned guys get such bad direction from other equally clueless guys...
For an example of such a website: www.spiritual-seduction.com (this 19 year old has been in the community for less than 6 months, hardly a "guru") Thoughts, comments?
For more Stephen Nash and his thoughts on the game, community and dating, check out his Seduction Master's Interview here.
posted by Donovan at 9:15 AM Dating Advice for Men