10.02.2006posted by Sean Messenger at 1:24 PM
There's a lot of stuff out there on "cold-reading" people, like using the most-common psychic reads to tell someone things about themselves they didn't think you knew.
And those are great for carny tricks. Yes, you're psychic, and wow, aren't I amazed. Do it again!
It's like making balloon animals.
And you don't want to make balloon animals for the girls you want to fuck, do you? No, you want a real connection, real intimacy, a real trust that leads to really great sex. The realer it is, the hotter it is, so why waste time playing around.
But how do you create a real connection? The trick is not to just figure her out cold and then diagnose... that makes her separate from you, not connected.
The trick is to have yourself figured out first, and then sniff out the things that you see in her that are the same. That connects you. That's the stuff that great love stories are made of. The stories she keeps secret in her heart forever, because it doesn't happen very often.
You see something special in her, because you see it in yourself, and that is why you are meant to be.
Sounds weird, right? Well, let's get into how to do it.
Here's the best way to do it.
Not the easiest, not the trickiest, but best. It takes work, commitment and practice, but once you start doing it, you will see yourself change fundamentally, and see your world open up.
It's not warm reading or cold reading. It's RELATING to someone else by seeing something kind of hidden in them that you kind of hide in yourself. And it comes from listening carefully to all the signals you get, and then taking a crazy chance.
Lance calls it the "Hail Mary."
Here's how you start. At any point in conversation with a woman, just stop, look at her, and say "it's weird, but you really seem to be X, but I have this sense you are actually Y. I'm the same way."
Then you fill in the blanks with whatever sense you get from her that truly reminds you of yourself. It can be anything. Just start listening to your instincts, and stop looking for shortcuts and tricks. The thing with the shortcuts is they won't tell you anything real about her, and she won't know anything about you. However, you can have just ONE strong thing about yourself that you try on everyone.
Some guys use "you like a creative person, but not in a creative job."
Some guys use "you seem like a party person, but really have a quiet side."
I like "everyone thinks you have it all figured out and under control, but really you're still wandering a little bit, and excited about not having the answers yet."
And they all work great, because they all are strong identities for US.
That may be the key. We use this exercise extensively in Art of Rapport, and it produces amazing insights. You really just need to focus in on what you feel most true for yourself, and then pronounce it for her. You're telling her why it was really fate that brought you two together.
If you don't have something deep and a little secret in common, than you can't really believe this was meant to be. It still may be, but it's just for fun. But when you can both see a little into each others' secret worlds, only a passionate relationship makes sense.
And that's what you really want.
posted by Sean Messenger at 1:24 PM Dating Advice for Men