9.19.2006posted by Donovan at 5:00 PM
WOW. It works. I started by reading part of your book, and used some of it, and it worked great. I couldn't believe that it was your advice that helped me, I thought it was a shift in the universe or something. It was amazing. So, I went back to being a wussbag. The girl who accepted me one day rejected me the next. Bewildered, I continued to read your book, applied it once again, and I now get plenty of wonderful feedback from women of all sorts (not to mention the wonderful dates).
But, my question is this. How cocky is too cocky? I have stated the meekest positive aspect of myself and other times flouted my greatness. I do not know what the limit is, and I know it must exist. Mustn't it?
MSY, from Maryland
You're asking a good question here.
Remember, the formula isn't "Cocky".
The formula is "Cocky PLUS Funny".
You can say just about ANYTHING as long as what you are saying is actually FUNNY.
Remember, this technique is very powerful. It's a way of communicating with women that actually TRIGGERS and then AMPLIFIES ATTRACTION.
I've learned that "arrogance" or "cockiness" is NOT unattractive to women... as long as they're not an obvious over compensation for INSECURITY.
When you ask me what the "limit" is, what I hear you saying is, "I'm afraid to push this too far".
Don't let your own insecurities and doubts stop you from using a great technique.
Use it. But make sure you add the all powerful ingredient: HUMOR. The humor is what makes this technique magic.
I've been enjoying your advanced series very much, and have found a lot of success over the last few months. All this success is exciting, but I'm finding that I have to rethink my usual responses to just about everything. A case in point:
Last night over the phone, the woman I've been spending the most time with lately spent a lot of effort telling me how much she loves me. In fact, I think she's really falling for me hard. The question is, though, how do I respond to a woman that gets all mushy without spending all of my attraction points? If she says something like
"I've fallen in love with you" or "I love you soooooo much", what are some examples of things to say back that will keep the attraction building?
Your devoted fan,
A in Oregon
Yeah, that's one of the fringe benefits of learning these concepts... women actually start to LOVE you.
You left an important part out of your question...
You didn't mention how you feel about this girl yourself, and what YOU want out of the relationship.
I'll have different answers for you based on what your intentions are.
But to give you the most direct answer to your question of how to respond to this... take a page out of the "Han Solo Manual For Responding To Women Who Say That They Love You".
Remember at the end of Empire Strikes Back when Han was about to be frozen in Carbonite, and Princess Leia said, "I Love You"?
Remember what Han said back?
He said, "I know".
Cocky, Funny, and Evasive.
"I don't blame you."
"Well, I would if I were you."
...these are all fun.
One warning: If this woman is ACTUALLY falling in love with you because you've been seeing her five times a week for the last six months, then you need to remember that this is a serious thing.
If you've gone out with her 4 times over the last 3 weeks, that's different. But, if she thinks you're getting married soon, then you might want to consider what you really want out of this, and act accordingly.
I must commend you on that masterpiece you wrote,your Double Your Dating. You captured my attention and maintained it through out the entire reading! I actually downloaded it this morning 'round 8:00 or so and you kept me reading it until almost
noon! I don't think there's another person out there that has EVER kept my attention so intensely though such a restricted and normally dry medium! I found much of the thoughts you expressed to be very insightful and exceptionally well communicated. This being said, I find myself in a conundrum that seems like it would lend itself to
your expertise. A bit of pre-amble.....
I'm 22 years old and I live in Ontario, Canada but only about 10 minutes from the Michigan border. About 3 months ago I joined some sorta gay-assed meeting service online here more out of curiosity than anything else but I came across this one wonderous lady from Michigan who lives about an hour and a half away. We've emailed each other probably 60-70 times and we've talked on the phone quite a number of times as well but we've never met in person yet. Well that day is to be approaching soon and I've come across a conflict of ideas now that I've read your book. For the most part, everything I do is the opposite of what you suggest with the odd exception like my humorous nature. The problem lies in the idea of changing my character to suit what you described (in a VERY logical manner) to be the ideal actions a fellow is to take. I have an interest in her, and she (as far as I can tell) has an interest in me... but the idea of being very non-challant and sort of distant/hard to get although it appeals to me GREATLY with someone new, I'm not sure would be advisable in this situation. If you could give me some feed back I would be greatly indebted to your wisdom even more.
Thanks for your time, J
In your email you said, "I don't think there's another person out there that has EVER kept my attention so intensely though such a restricted and normally dry medium!"
I'll tell you what man... if you keep talking this way the "medium" isn't the only thing that's going to be dry.
Someone get this guy a copy of the "How to talk like a normal guy that most people don't think is a JACKASS" manual.
Look man. You can't go through life trying to sound like you're more intelligent than everyone else... especially when you're 22... unless you want women to respond to you the way the woman in the bar responded to Russell Crowe's advances in "A Beautiful Mind". Watch the movie if you need the specifics.
It's OK to be smart. No problem.
But when you try to TALK like you're smart, you usually end up coming off as insecure and nerdy.
Case in point: Your email.
And no, saying "gay-assed" doesn't make you cool.
Now, as for your girl situation...
If you've met a girl on the internet and emailed her back and forth 60 or 70 times, then you should probably do what has worked for you so far, and don't change what you're doing just because you read my book.
You're going to want to practice for a little while before you go completely changing your entire personality with a woman who thinks she's going to be marrying you soon. (Did I say that?)
You're dealing with a classic problem:
You don't know how to meet women effectively, so this one woman is VERY IMPORTANT.
If you start doing the things that I recommend with her, and it doesn't work out, you'll blame me... when it was probably your fault for acting like her girlfriend for the last 47 years by email.
Go meet more women. Practice what you've learned. And do what you've been doing with the girl you met online, because if you change into a different person right before her eyes she might think you're psycho... and get a restraining order against you. Hell, I'm trying to figure out why she doesn't have one ALREADY the way you talk...
I know, I know. I'm a funny guy.
And, another thing (or two)...
Get yourself a copy of this:
posted by Donovan at 5:00 PM Dating Advice for Men