10.12.2006posted by Sean Messenger at 11:27 AM
A new kind of field report. His story and her story. If you want to get the girl AND make her happy, you need to know what she thinks, and what she feels. You need to know HER story.
I met my girlfriend one sunny afternoon in the city. I was in the middle of teaching Art of Rapport I didn't know her, and she didn't know me, but after 10 minutes, we felt like we were supposed to know each other.
This is the story of how it happened.
Both sides of the story. Mine and hers.
He Said/She Said:
Him: She is the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. Warm, honey skin, soft brown eyes, long lashes, silky hair flowing under a funky cap, just a touch of sparkly blue eye-shadow, and a sly smile under pillowy lips.
Her: First of all, let me tell you something about myself. I'm not your typical shy, submissive asian girl. On the contrary, guys are intimidated by me. I'm very sensible and I'm very proud of my logical brain.
Usually with guys, I can sense the bullshit coming miles away. I tend to be very dismissive of guys' so-called "lines." And i thought i was immune to pick-ups. that is, until i met Sean. He blew me away and i was just too taken aback to react with my "logical brain."
And one more thing, about the time that this happened, i was a little upset about boys, the last thing i want is to date one.
Him: It's a crowded Sunday in a little café in Union Square in San Francisco. Workers are putting up the giant Christmas tree, and shoppers are everywhere. It's not quiet, calm, and peaceful. People are jostling about, and everyone can see everything. Perfect. Put this on display for all to see -- this is exactly what I have prepared for.
Her: It was in November. I was really tired that day and i was dazed. I just wanted to get my cafe mocha and sit. There were a lot of people in the little cafe, standing in line, wanting to buy the pretty little pastries displayed on the glass window. I remembered being a little annoyed with the crowd. So crowded and loud, i just want to be away from the noise. I smiled at the guy behind the counter and flirt a little. And then, off with my coffee.
Him: Get in line for food and keep looking at her. I fix her image in my mind. I look away. Let the nerves build up. Feel it in my chest, in my heart. I want this beautiful girl. I want her so much. I want her to have my kids, and her kids, and walk hand-in-hand on the boardwalk on the beach, win her giant stuffed animals for her at games of chance, snuggle on Sunday mornings, and buy her sparkly things to make her smile. I let all the silly and wussy and once-again-silly thoughts fill me up. I will use them as fuel.
I will walk up to her, alone. I will have no pretext, no introduction, no excuse. It will be her, and it will be me, and in this secret world, we will be. I want the nerves. I want the fear. I want this to be hard. For a man who didn't know what he was doing, that would make it impossible. For me -- for me it makes it perfect.
Her: My friend was at the corner of the cafe, trying to find us seats. We have to be like vultures, otherwise we have to sit outside drinking coffee in the chilly november weather. We finally managed to find a nice square table tucked away in the corner of the cafe. I took the seat facing the window outside with my back towards the line of people.
Him: My single 100%-perfect girl takes a seat at a table right behind me -- with her 99%-perfect girl friend. She's here, now. I know from experience if I leave now, without meeting her, it will wake me from a sound sleep when I am old and grey, and the not knowing will haunt me like a ghost.
Fuck it. I have studied, practiced and worked at this for a reason. This girl is the reason. She is the one that brought me here today. When you find the princess, she will not be waiting for you on a bed made of Twinkies and tits. She will be in a castle, guarded by a dragon, behind a wall of flames. Walk through the flames.
I step out of line. Walk to her table. I feel every eye upon me. Stand at their table. They both look up.
I say nothing. I don't worry about what to say. My hands are down, my eyes are steady. I open my mouth.
"I was on my way out, and I saw you."
"I couldn't leave without meeting you. May I sit?"
Her: The second after we sat down, right before i opened my mouth to chatter away, i felt a soft tap on my left shoulder.I looked up and saw this big, white guy wearing a blue shirt looking down on me. The first thought that flew to my mind, "hmm, maybe he wants the empty chair."
I smiled at him, ready to give the answer, "yes, you can have the chair." But, all the time, he kept holding my gaze and then moments later he uttered the most unexpected words, "i was on my way outside"(Pause..), and i saw you. I just have to talk to you."(pause)..may i sit down?"
Him: They both stare at me. The room stares at me. I wait. She says yes. I reach back to table behind me and grab a chair from another table without asking. Is someone else using it? Not anymore. Chair bangs against other chairs. It appears unsmooth, but I don't care.
Her: The way he said it, it was so soft, and felt so genuine and his expression, it didn't feel fake. I think my brain stopped working, because, before i can think of anything to say, i felt my right arm gesturing to the empty chair next to my right and said, "sure." He sat down and kept holding my gaze, and didn't say anything. I felt very awkward and felt compelled to say something first (keep in mind i have a friend who sat next to my left and she had this shock expression on her face.and i know she won't say anything). After the proper introduction, i asked him what he was doing?
Him: I sit. Look at her -- gently, but seeing her. I don't say anything. A year passes. She asks, "so what are you doing today?"
Her: I felt dream-like.My heart was beating faster and i kept trying to think. I could not believe that this is happening, but, i was willing to give this guy a chance. He told us about his goddaughter and showed us pictures of his dogs. All the time, i felt comfortable and looking at him, i thought to myself "hmm..this guys is cute and he has really nice eyes." however, i'm still not sure where all this is going , and i can feel that my friend did not like what was happening one bit. I can actually feel her being really cold to this stranger.
Him: I mention something about Christmas shopping. Start talking normal stuff. Introduce myself, they introduce themselves. Gia and Lily. My internal circuits are all afire, but I will not stop. That's how it works. I don't have to keep going. I just have to Not. Stop.
Gia is from Indonesia. Lily is from Thailand. They live here now. I tell them I teach dogs owners how to understand their dogs. They love dogs, Golden Retrievers. I tell them how big the hearts of a Golden are, that they are made of love. Time passes. I talk about the park near my house. Watching sunset from the swings, and the cafe close by with the best hot chocolate in the city.
Her: He told us that he just moved here from boston and that he lived by the park on which hill you can climb and view san francisco city light. A few minutes later, he said he had to go and then said that me and him should go to that park together. I thought to myself, "Uh-uh, not so fast,dude"
He tried to make me to say yes. But, I stubborny said "we'll see..we'll see," and smiled sweetly at him. And finally he asked for my phone number.
Him: The air is heavy with this moment I feel the weight. Time to go. Tell them so. Tell Gia to meet me at my house next week and we'll go to the park. She agrees. Gives me her number. We hug, and her skin smells like summer.
Her: To this day, I still do not know why i gave him my number. It could be that i sensed something about him or that i was carried away in the movie moment. The feeling was indescribable. it felt surreal, it was pure emotions.
I stand. Legs still working. Nice surprise.
Walk out, slow, stunned. Kick-to-the-head stunned. My world is of muffled sound, like under the sea, like leaving a Metallica show. Everything is slow and gentle, everything is floaty.
Her: I still wasn't sure about him. Part of me hope so much for it to be real,hope that he's not an asshole and really hope that he meant what he said. However, He was nothing but sweet and genuine and funny for the next few days we talked on the phone.
Talk twice over next week, flirty, funny, sexy. Normal topics too. School, work, fun. She's coming over Saturday.
Her: I did try to talk myself out of this date, but i can't. The way he came up to me like that, being so vulnerable and yet so strong, i just can't. This guy is ballsy and i like that. I granted him one date. I thought, "what the hell, it should be fun, i got free pizza."
Him: With two bottles of wine, one white, one red. With a dog treat for my dog.
We will be as lovers who meet again and again, as the wheel does turn, as it was meant to be.
Her: This month is our 7th month dating each other. I am very happy and the story of how we met has been told many times. My friend and i still talk about it. Everytime I passed that little cafe, everytime i drank my cafe mocha,my mind always flew back to that moment. Its embedded forever in in my heart.
If you liked this story, check our PickUp 101's upcoming video interview series, He Said/She Said, where we sit down with the guy and the girl and hear the story of a pickup from both sides.
posted by Sean Messenger at 11:27 AM Dating Advice for Men