3.13.2006posted by Donovan at 6:02 PM
QUESTION OF THE WEEK:
You are a saint. A giant among insects... Ok, maybe not, but it gets through the obligatory ass-kissing since you have helped me so much. Let me begin...
I've had my eyes on this particular girl for quite some time, and I could tell she was already into me quite a bit, but we had never made anything of it. Last week, she decided to "be bold" and ask ME out, instead of the other way around (you can see I'm already doing something right). She asked if I wanted to go see a movie some time; instead of freaking out and jumping at the chance, I said I'm rather tired of this whole 'movie date' thing. If she wanted to get me, she was going to have to be a little more creative. She was rather shocked and felt somewhat rejected. Later in the conversation, we were got to talking about this stalker (wussy who needs a life) that seems to be in love with her, and she hates him. He had asked her if she wanted to accompany him to a football game the next night that they both were already going to.
She said she really wished that I would come with her so this guy would leave her alone. I thought, "Ok. This will be my good deed for the year." and said I would go. She ends up driving me to the game. Upon arrival, she just HAD to braid her hair, and asked me to wait around while she did so. I stood there for a second, and then walked off. She started yelling at me to wait; I simply replied, "I'll see you inside the gate." waved and walked off. Once inside, I didn't see her come in, but soon felt someone grab my butt (it was her). We went on into the stadium, she soon saw someone she knew and went to talk to them, dragging me along. I stood around for a second, then wandered off, since I had seen someone I knew as well. She comes to find me soon, and we go off to our seats. Her stalker had seen us as we were going to our seats and decided to stay with us for part of the night.
She began talking to him, and I did my own thing. I wandered off numerous times throughout the night and generally acted very secure and like I didn’t need a thing in the world (especially her!). Following the game, as we walked back to her car I could tell that she wanted me badly due to some things she had been saying. She drove me back to where my car was waiting and we talked for twenty minutes or so in her car. There was some hand holding and such going on during the conversation. She said, "You know we're just going to end up making out - you're just delaying the inevitable." Bingo. I shrugged it off, and we continued talking. About ten minutes later, she said, "It's getting late; I really should be getting home." Obviously a ploy to get things started, as it was only 10:15 PM. I shrugged it off, again. A few minutes pass, and she says, "It's late, I really need to go." I say, "Alright." I open the door and get out of the car. She says, "Where are you going?" I reply nonchalantly, "I just don't think you want it badly enough yet." Score #2. I walk off to my car; she immediately jumps out of the car and begins walking to my car as well. I get to the car and put the key in the door and she sticks her leg in front of the door with this defiant attitude. I say, "You know, I've never been raped in an empty parking lot before..."
You can imagine what went on from there... J
Now, on to the questions: First, now that I've used my best line ever ("I just don't think you want it badly enough yet."), do you have any suggestions on what to do and say next time to create that same anticipation/desire in her?
Also, you always say that I need to be the first to end the conversation, but many of the girls that I am interested in are somewhat sporadic and tend to call, IM, etc. when they don't have a lot of time. Quite often, they are the ones to end the conversation before I have a chance to. How do I take this? Should I just reply, "Alright. I'll catch you later." Acting like I could care less?
D. Knoxville, TN
I'm sure that anyone reading this would say "Yea, but she already liked you"... I wish you would have told the story from the beginning, because I'll bet you MADE her like you with more of the same type communication that you described here.
The one thing that you clearly understand here is how SEXUAL TENSION works.
You understand how to take a small spark of desire from her and AMPLIFY it until it's literally EXPLOSIVE.
If you keep amplifying and letting the tension build with a particular woman, this is the kind of result you'll get... and she will LOVE you for it.
Things like making her come up with a more "interesting" date idea, walking away from her when other guys would have clung to her, shrugging off her comments about the two of you getting together, etc. are the magic ingredients.
Most guys DESTROY all the sexual tension at every possible opportunity... they take every chance they can to SCREW THINGS UP, because they don't know better...
The fact is that most men just don't UNDERSTAND how women get turned on.
And most men don't understand that if you really want a woman to WANT you, then you NEED to get her turned on. It's not going to happen by itself.
Here's another interesting aspect of that thing called ATTRACTION:
The bigger the challenge you are, and the more intense the sexual tension, the more aroused a woman will become... so that when you finally do connect physically it's pure electricity.
Again, most men can't HANDLE sexual tension. They feel uncomfortable when the situation isn't "clear cut", and they screw things up.
One of the things you mentioned doing was "shrugging off" her obvious "come ons" to you.
This kind of thing makes no sense to most guys.
But it makes sense to me.
And it made a LOT of sense to HER.
When a woman throws out a sexual comment, etc. most guys screw it up. That's because they don't know the SECRET about these types of comments.
When you're a major challenge, it naturally means that she's not IN CONTROL of the situation.
Attractive women are USED to being in control, so when they're NOT in control, they get agitated. It really bothers them.
So they TEST. They use all kinds of interesting tricks and tactics to see if you're just FAKING like you're actually in control of yourself and the situation.
One of the most obvious tests is throwing out a sexual comment.
She might mention that she loves sex, or that she thinks you guys have a chance of "hooking up", or some other "tease".
But make no mistake about it, these comments are not at all the innocent remarks that they appear to be.
She's watching VERY closely to see if you'll take the bait.
It's a woman's last resort when she feels like she isn't controlling the situation to see if you'll crumble to SOMETHING. -- If you say something like "Really? You think we're going to hook up? That would be cool" she KNOWS SHE'S IN CONTROL.
If you say "Yea, you think so? I don't know, I'm not that easy..." then it just dials up the tension, mystery, and challenge.
OK, so you've asked me a couple of questions as well...
What should you do NEXT time you see her to keep the tension building...?
Well, if something works, KEEP DOING IT.
If she enjoyed it the first time, do it again.
This time wait a little longer. Make her think about it a little bit more.
Women LOVE anticipation. They love to feel the rush that something is going to happen... but not know WHEN.
If you REALLY want to take things to the next level, take a page from popular movies and romance novels.
Don't just kiss her. Kiss her PASSIONATELY.
Pull her body into yours as you kiss her.
Then push her away and say "You're bad!".
Stop for awhile. Make her think about it. Then start again when she isn't expecting it.
These are the types of things that make women think about you all the time when you're gone... and call you in the middle of the night because they want to see you. Really.
Most men are so damn BORING when it comes to this stuff! They do NOTHING to make a woman FEEL the powerful feelings that she's always wanted to feel.
You be the one to do it, and you'll be the one she always wants around.
Your second question was about ending calls and conversations first.
The REASON why you should end all conversations and other interactions with women first is that it conveys a clear message:
"I'M A BUSY GUY. I HAVE A LIFE."
It turns YOU into the one that's desirable.
Most guys cling, and try to keep a woman on the phone for a long time. They desire a woman's attention and approval, and they make it clear that this is what they're after.
Of course, this only demonstrates pure WEAKNESS to an attractive woman.
And weakness (or Wussness) isn't ATTRACTIVE.
If you run into a woman who's always on the run, don't let it get to you. To put it
differently, don't become obsessed with her just because she's never available!
The answer is to just take things to the next level.
Here's a GREAT little technique...
An amazing and simple way to handle this kind of thing is to just say "OK, bye" without any other comments.
She says "I have to go, my friends are waiting for me outside". Just say "OK, bye" and SHUT UP.
80% of the time, she'll say "No, wait! I'm just really busy, call me in a few days" etc.
You can't "kind of" do this.
You have to be READY.
She's TESTING you by playing hard to get. It's a game. Have fun with it.
As soon as she says "I have to go, my laundry is in the dryer", you SHOOT back "OK, bye" in a VERY abrupt tone and SHUT UP.
It will create a funny, uncomfortable silence for just a second.
Most of the time, she'll say something in a tone of voice that says "That was weird", and then she'll give some kind of explanation or ask you why you were so short with her.
Of course, this is a great opportunity to bust her balls and create some fun banter.
Again, you'll often have her say something like "I'm really busy right now. I'm sorry. Call me tomorrow and let's do something". At this point, you can say "Yea, if you're lucky. Bye!".
Not cold. Not mean. Just short and to the point.
Then, when you call her next, it was HER that asked for the call.
You get to call up and say "Well, last time we talked you were begging me to call you... and I felt so bad for you that I finally broke down".
What we're talking about here is DESIRE... and more importantly, INCREASING IT.
In most interactions with women there is an opportunity to SPARK the chemistry... the sexual tension... the desire... and then there are many opportunities to AMPLIFY that desire.
But here's the BAD news:
If you do not understand all of the little steps from the first meeting to the bedroom, and know exactly how to smoothly progress from one step to the next, then you're going to keep failing with women.
It's that simple.
If you DO understand all of the steps, and you know EXACTLY what to do in order to smoothly transition from one to the next, then you are MUCH more likely to succeed.
One of the most IMPORTANT steps is controlling your own emotions. If you're nervous and freaked out, then you'll make her nervous.
We humans can SMELL fear and nervousness... and women are the best at it.
I'm telling you, I used to have no clue about attracting women... but now that I do, I can date any type of women I want. And it's a damn good feeling.
And if you'd like an introduction to my main concepts, then you need to go download and read my online eBook "Double Your Dating". You can download it right now and be reading it within a few minutes. It's here:
Double Your Dating 2nd Edition
I'll talk to you again soon.
posted by Donovan at 6:02 PM Dating Advice for Men