10.19.2006posted by Donovan at 5:17 PM
See the Mystery Method Dr Phil episode (2008.04.11) and read the commentary over at the new blog.
Got this email from Neil Strauss today.
First of all, I wanted to thank and congratulate you all for the massive success of the Bookmission. I'm really psyched to come out of my writing cave and give this rare seminar and meet some of you.
Secondly, I wanted to share some thoughts on an experience I had this week.
I received a call from two producers on the Dr. Phil show. They wanted me to come on and discuss The Game and the community with Dr. Phil.
However, the more I talked to them, the more it seemed like a set-up. So I declined. Instead, they got two of the people in The Game to participate.
And they did a few sneaky things, according to those who were on the show:
1. They filmed some guys sarging, but planted women with secret cameras in the club.
2. They didn't tell one of the PUAs that another guru was going to be on the show, then they encouraged the guru to be adversarial. The result was a PUA slugfest that sounded like a bad day at Project Hollywood.
3. They brought out a woman at the end of the show who'd been hurt by a man who was NOT in the community to confront these guys.
The working title of the segment: WOMEN, BEWARE!
This information just broke my heart. It really infuriates me.
When I wrote The Game and went on to do the press, I told myself that I would neither DEFEND nor ATTACK the seduction community. I'd simply present the truth as it was, the good and the bad.
However, the more interviews I did, the more I realized I was going to have to defend something: The right of guys to learn this.
Anyone who's ever seen the front page of Cosmopolitan or Sex in the City knows that self-help, sexual improvement, dating advice, and attraction skills is an accepted rite of passage for women.
There is no equivalent for men: We are simply shown images of women we are supposed to desire in the pages of Maxim and Playboy, then not told what to do about it.
People get tutored for everything else in life. If you can't do math, you get a tutor. Sex in the City was women getting tutored in what to do with different types of men. I think the coolest thing someone could do is recognize their weakness and work to improve it.
When guys ask me questions, it's usually not about what to do to trick a woman into bed -- it's about how to get over heart- break, whether Alexander Technique will improve their posture, whether improv classes will make them more spontaneous, what to do about "this one special girl," how to dress, and so on.
Though some of the "gurus" may have their issues, 99.9 percent of the guys I met learning this are the NICE GUYS. They are the guys women always say they are looking for, yet at the same time are never attracted to.
Usually, the true assholes, jerks, and misogynists are too cocky and arrogant to even consider that they might need to "learn" how to interact with women.
So anyone who's going to get on a bully pulpit and demonize men for trying to improve themselves is not a friend of mine.
And any pundit who's going to criticize men for manipulation when that's exactly what their show producers regularly do to their guests is not a friend of mine.
The community may have its problems -- especially for those who get sucked too deeply into it, as I did -- but there's nothing wrong with learning social skills, if you're learning from the RIGHT teachers.
The real victims in my experience were not women. The victims I witnessed, the people I saw hurt by the game, were only men. Because the game is a forking path: there's a light side and a dark side, and some get lost in the dark side and lose themselves -- in addition to creeping out the very women they're trying to attract.
As a writer, I understand the temptation members of the media feel to create an obvious sensationalism piece. But it's far better to do the research and find the REALITY of a situation -- and it makes a better story. Because the reality is often never obvious. Sometimes it's the last thing you'd ever expect. That's what most of my books are about.
I realize this email is sort of a rant, and perhaps I'm even preaching to the converted, but I had to get it off my chest. There are some 35,000 of you on this list. Some of you are in positions of influence or respect -- whether on campus, in the media, at home, at work, or in a community.
Let's do our best to counter small-mindedness and social pressure designed to hold US back because of someone ELSE'S fear wherever we hear it. Whether it's about learning the game, a personal attack against you, or something else you care about, don't take the bait and get defensive. All you have to do is speak the truth. It's the best weapon you have, and so sharp that no one can ever bend it if you wield it properly -- without fear or insecurity.
And that's one to grow on,
Labels: neil strauss dr phil
posted by Donovan at 5:17 PM Dating Advice for Men