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Breaking News: PUA Piece on Dr. Phil

10.19.2006

posted by Donovan at 5:17 PM

See the Mystery Method Dr Phil episode (2008.04.11) and read the commentary over at the new blog.

Got this email from Neil Strauss today.

First of all, I wanted to thank and congratulate you all for the massive success of the Bookmission. I'm really psyched to come out of my writing cave and give this rare seminar and meet some of you.

Secondly, I wanted to share some thoughts on an experience I had this week.

I received a call from two producers on the Dr. Phil show. They wanted me to come on and discuss The Game and the community with Dr. Phil.

However, the more I talked to them, the more it seemed like a set-up. So I declined. Instead, they got two of the people in The Game to participate.

And they did a few sneaky things, according to those who were on the show:

1. They filmed some guys sarging, but planted women with secret cameras in the club.

2. They didn't tell one of the PUAs that another guru was going to be on the show, then they encouraged the guru to be adversarial. The result was a PUA slugfest that sounded like a bad day at Project Hollywood.

3. They brought out a woman at the end of the show who'd been hurt by a man who was NOT in the community to confront these guys.

The working title of the segment: WOMEN, BEWARE!

This information just broke my heart. It really infuriates me.

When I wrote The Game and went on to do the press, I told myself that I would neither DEFEND nor ATTACK the seduction community. I'd simply present the truth as it was, the good and the bad.

However, the more interviews I did, the more I realized I was going to have to defend something: The right of guys to learn this.

Anyone who's ever seen the front page of Cosmopolitan or Sex in the City knows that self-help, sexual improvement, dating advice, and attraction skills is an accepted rite of passage for women.

There is no equivalent for men: We are simply shown images of women we are supposed to desire in the pages of Maxim and Playboy, then not told what to do about it.

People get tutored for everything else in life. If you can't do math, you get a tutor. Sex in the City was women getting tutored in what to do with different types of men. I think the coolest thing someone could do is recognize their weakness and work to improve it.

When guys ask me questions, it's usually not about what to do to trick a woman into bed -- it's about how to get over heart- break, whether Alexander Technique will improve their posture, whether improv classes will make them more spontaneous, what to do about "this one special girl," how to dress, and so on.

Though some of the "gurus" may have their issues, 99.9 percent of the guys I met learning this are the NICE GUYS. They are the guys women always say they are looking for, yet at the same time are never attracted to.

Usually, the true assholes, jerks, and misogynists are too cocky and arrogant to even consider that they might need to "learn" how to interact with women.

So anyone who's going to get on a bully pulpit and demonize men for trying to improve themselves is not a friend of mine.

And any pundit who's going to criticize men for manipulation when that's exactly what their show producers regularly do to their guests is not a friend of mine.

The community may have its problems -- especially for those who get sucked too deeply into it, as I did -- but there's nothing wrong with learning social skills, if you're learning from the RIGHT teachers.

The real victims in my experience were not women. The victims I witnessed, the people I saw hurt by the game, were only men. Because the game is a forking path: there's a light side and a dark side, and some get lost in the dark side and lose themselves -- in addition to creeping out the very women they're trying to attract.

As a writer, I understand the temptation members of the media feel to create an obvious sensationalism piece. But it's far better to do the research and find the REALITY of a situation -- and it makes a better story. Because the reality is often never obvious. Sometimes it's the last thing you'd ever expect. That's what most of my books are about.

I realize this email is sort of a rant, and perhaps I'm even preaching to the converted, but I had to get it off my chest. There are some 35,000 of you on this list. Some of you are in positions of influence or respect -- whether on campus, in the media, at home, at work, or in a community.

Let's do our best to counter small-mindedness and social pressure designed to hold US back because of someone ELSE'S fear wherever we hear it. Whether it's about learning the game, a personal attack against you, or something else you care about, don't take the bait and get defensive. All you have to do is speak the truth. It's the best weapon you have, and so sharp that no one can ever bend it if you wield it properly -- without fear or insecurity.

And that's one to grow on,
Neil

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posted by Donovan at 5:17 PM Dating Advice for Men

12 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow.

Mainstream day-time talk is once again going out of it's way to encourage the stereotype that women are weak and easily taken advantage of.

"Women, Beware!"

Yes, women. Beware of the mind control society blankets your half of the human race with.

Great post. Now I loathe Dr. Pheeyill even more.

I love the smell of bullshit in the morning.

10:04 PM, October 19, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

when does the episode air?

1:05 AM, October 21, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Women, Beware!"
Beware what...giving into your instinct of having a good time with a great guy whose got his act together?! I used to like Dr.Phil though I haven't seen much of his show. His talk of facing responsibilty and coming to grips with reality seemed like fodder for the aspiring AFC. I can understand ur disappointment Neil ... we guys should wait for that episode to air and protest on his website. Things regress when such nonsense taken seriously and staged nonsense at that - w0lfgang

7:52 AM, October 23, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Neil, you should have done the show. You would have taken them apart.

Never forget that that Dr. Phil got his start on Oprah. They are two sides of the same coin. They share an audience of women who need to believe in their own weakness so they can avoid facing and using their own strength. And who wants women like that?

Dr. Phil = Spawn of Oprah. He can safely be ignored.

Game on,


Silver

8:17 AM, October 23, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Neil, thank you for the post.

2:25 PM, October 23, 2006  
Blogger Tone said...

This is typical.

Self help guru's like oprah & dr phil are still in business because women & men are looking outside themselves for guidance.

I wonder what would happen if they presented shows that focussed on positive, motivating & empowering women, to feel safe, comfortable, and relaxed around men?

God forbid ;)

Tone.

7:57 PM, October 26, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dr. Phil is a man-hating little bitch.

Thundercat, did you take this note by dictation as you were sucking Style's cock?.... just a question.

11:38 AM, January 25, 2007  
Blogger Morphes said...

Does anyone know when this airs?

I wonder how much the ratings will jump if every pua watched it :-p

7:18 PM, April 01, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I guess it hasn't aired yet?

I would like to see it.

Dare them to air it.

3:06 PM, April 22, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

huh?
I recieved this mail today???!!!
Does Style send old material out in his newsletter?
can't find anything about the show on drphil's website neither... :(

2:46 PM, November 14, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What I find very interesting is that this just only Aired on TV 2 days ago 4-11-2008, and this thread started back in 2006. Which to my understanding could mean many things such as deception from the people that took there time before putting it on TV (The Dr. Phil show).

8:51 PM, April 13, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah...while looking for the episode online I found this YouTube post by Ross Jeffries...he says the show was taped over a 1.5 years ago, which makes November 2006 about right.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5uCIMs905_Y

8:50 AM, April 17, 2008  

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