11.24.2005posted by Donovan at 8:41 AM
See, there are a lot of guys out there who don't have any problem meeting women and talking to them. But for some reason, they just can't quite keep the conversation going to a point where they're able to ask the girl out.
Let me make something clear: THE WHOLE POINT OF YOU MEETING A GIRL IS TO ASK HER OUT!
So if you fail to do that, then you've just wasted your time.
Seriously, unless you were just bored and looking to pass the time by chatting someone up, you've accomplished nothing.
Whenever you see a girl you want to meet, your goal should be to GET HER OUT ON A DATE.
End of story.
And in order to do that, you have to build a certain amount of trust and comfort in her before she will willingly give you her (correct) phone number.
I know guys who can get a girl's number within a couple minutes of meeting her. But the quality of that number isn't always the best. About 90% of the time, it's a fake number the girl gave him just to get away from him, and the other 10% of the time, the girl isn't interested enough to go out with him.
So going for the number too soon before you've created enough trust and comfort could dramatically lower your chances of seeing her again.
So here's what I recommend...
When you first meet a girl, it is usually a good idea to have at least 3 openers and 3 stories memorized that you can talk to them about. Be sure that the openers and stories are good, open-ended, and interactive conversation pieces.
Then, you're going to STACK them.
What do I mean by that? Let's break it down scientifically...
Let's say you have Opener A + Story A. You meet the girl with Opener A, which leads into Story A. As soon as Story A runs its course, you change topics with Opener B, which then leads into Story B. Then you repeat the process with Opener C and Story C.
See how that works?
In my experience, by the end of three stories, the woman usually feels like she knows you enough and is comfortable enough with you to want to see you again. THIS is the time to get her number!
I know that some guys might find this prospect scary, because this could be where she rejects you.
The thing I want you to remember at this point is that women KNOW when a man approaches them, they're interested in them. And if you DO NOT ask her for her number, she will assume you actually AREN'T interested in her, or don't have enough balls to act on your interest, and move on.
DO NOT FALL INTO THIS TRAP!
Even if you KNOW you're going to crash and burn with this girl, ask for her number anyway! That's the whole GOAL of the interaction, so if you're going to fail, fail all the way. Don't leave the woman you were talking to feeling like you didn't cross the finish line.
Remember: You're going after the DATE. Get it or die trying!
Here's the sequence I usually follow when getting the date:
1. Invite her out right then and there. Either I'll ask her what she's doing right now and if she wants to get a drink. If that's not convenient, I'll ask her if she wants to meet up later that night.
2. If she says "Yes" to meeting up later, I'll then ask for her number. If she says "No," I'll still ask for her number because I like her and I want to see her again.
3. Finally, I'll ask her when a good time to call is.
That simple 3-step process will get you a TON of dates.
Setting up the next meeting during the initial interaction is ideal. If you can't do that, get her number and try to set it up later.
Some guys say you should go for an email address instead of a phone number. I've had mixed results with this tactic. I still think the phone number is the way to go. Email has too many variables that aren't in your favor. What if she doesn't respond to your initial email? If you keep sending emails, you run the risk of looking desperate.
If you call and she doesn't answer, you can continue to call until you catch her. Once you get her on the phone and talking, then you can set up the next date. You can also ask her about email and Instant Messaging info. Usually, you want to establish "second contact" before going that route though.
In my book, The Art Of Approaching, I give you everything you need to know to successfully ask a woman out on a date, from reading her body language, to flirting, to creating trust and comfort, it's all in there. If you haven't picked up your copy today, you can do so by clicking on the link below:
And remember, you must always approach every girl with the intention of getting her out with you! Unless you do that, you're just wasting your time.
Wishing you success with women,
posted by Donovan at 8:41 AM Dating Advice for Men