12.18.2006posted by Donovan at 12:40 PM
I want to talk about the concept of "flirting", and why it's SO important that you understand exactly what it is and how to do it with women.
To begin with, women know what flirting is and they respond VERY differently to flirting communication than they do to typical social communication.
If you understand flirting and sexual tension, you can begin conversations with women and have them INSTANTLY feeling ATTRACTION for you.
If you DON'T understand how flirting and sexual tension work, then you're either going to have to become famous or make a LOT of money to be successful with women.
I'm going to suggest that you learn how to flirt well, then do it RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING in your interactions with women to SET THE RIGHT TONE.
Think of flirting like playing.
Remember when you were a kid and you used to "play fight" with your friends?
What's the difference between "play" wrestling and "real" wrestling?
And how do you know the difference when it's happening... when your friend runs up and pushes you down, then jumps on you and tries to pin you?
The answer is YOU JUST KNOW. It's obvious to humans (and other animals, by the way) when someone is "playing" and when they're serious.
Flirting is similar.
If you start talking to a woman and say, "Hi, you're very pretty. You probably have a boyfriend, right?" in a normal tone of voice, you're NOT flirting.
On the other hand, if you say, "Hi, I realize that you're probably shy because you get no attention from men... so I thought I'd come over here and pay attention to you..." it's OBVIOUS that you're not being serious. This is flirting.
By the way, flirting IS NOT simply telling jokes, or trying to be "cute".
One of the concepts that I teach is called "Cocky & Funny."
Cocky & Funny is simply a powerful, concentrated way of flirting and creating sexual tension with a specific kind of humor.
It's so funny to me how some guys write in because they "can't see themselves being Cocky & Funny around women" because they don't want to come across as jerks.
This really cracks me up... because it's obvious to me that these guys JUST DON'T GET IT.
So let me explain this whole thing a different way...
If you know how to communicate the right way, women will respond to you RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING with a HIGH LEVEL of sexual interest and ATTRACTION.
When you know how to incorporate flirting in a Cocky & Funny way, which is really a form of "adult verbal play", you tune in to a certain frequency in a woman's mind and cause her to go into a very special kind of emotional state.
One of the keys to effective flirting is to "get it". In other words, you have to actually get out there and practice so you get a "feel" for how it works.
I think a lot of guys give up when they try a cute line or technique and a woman responds by saying "You're a loser." Instead of just realizing that they need more practice or that the woman might have just been in a bad mood or even one of those horrible "I don't have a sense of humor" cases, they take it personally and decide to just have it mean that they're a failure.
But take my word for it... once you learn how to flirt effectively and communicate in the language of "adult play" you WILL SIMPLY NOT BELIEVE how women will respond to you. If you want to see some video clips of me TEACHING Cocky & Funny then go here and check out the examples:
Here's an example of some of one of my favorite topics to "riff on" when flirting... the topic of getting married and us being in a relationship... and I'll give it to you in the form of a sample dialog. Keep in mind, I might have a
conversation like this one with a woman that I just met five minutes earlier...
Her: "I have a good job, and I make good money"
Me: "Nice. I like that in a woman. Want to get married? We could leave for Vegas right now and be married in about 4 or 5 hours. I need a woman with money."
Me: "But wait a minute... do you think you can support the both of us on your income? I really want to be a stay at home husband... you know, keep an eye on the TV and such."
Her: "Oh, no... I won't support you."
Me: "Well, then I'm breaking up with you. It's over between us. I was going to marry you, then divorce you a week later and take half your money."
Me: "That's all the more reason."
...do you get what's going on here?
I'm taking a normal conversation topic (her job and income) and redirecting the conversation in a flirtatious, Cocky & Funny way to create a fun mood and sexual tension (by suggesting marriage, divorce, and breaking up over her not supporting
If the above example doesn't make any sense to you, then take that as a sign that you need to get out and practice more. Try it on a waitress or two.
When you ask for something and she says, "I'm sorry, we don't have that", just say, "OK, this relationship isn't working out... I'm going to have to break up with you."
In fact, you can say this in just about ANY situation with ANY woman where she's saying something that you don't like, and it's funny.
When you communicate like this, you're FLIRTING, you're TEASING, and you're initiating a DIFFERENT KIND OF COMMUNICATION than what most men initiate.
And as soon as the woman you're talking to "engages" you in this kind of dialogue, THE GAME IS ON.
There are a LOT of ways you can flirt, and a lot of ways you can be Cocky & Funny that DON'T REQUIRE WORDS.
If a woman looks at you and raises one eyebrow, look back at her and do the same... only exaggerate it.
If a woman puts her hand on your arm, look down at it, then look up at her in a surprised way, then raise your eyebrows as if you just had a major "ah ha!" realization... then start smiling and nodding your head as if you just realized that
she wants you. This is a powerful combination because it's funny, and it exaggerates the meaning in her touching you.
There are a MILLION ways to flirt like this, but the point that I'm trying to make is that you NEED TO START DOING IT RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING OF YOUR INTERACTIONS WITH WOMEN.
It will set off all of your conversations with women on the right foot, and start a dialog that creates sexual tension and ATTRACTION.
If you DON'T learn how to communicate with women like this you'll have BORING, "NORMAL" conversations that NEVER lead to sexual tension and ATTRACTION.
Remember, women can tell INSTANTLY whether you're flirting with them or not. If you are, and you're doing it in a subtle, charming way, you'll get amazing responses.
One of the keys to flirting and creating ATTRACTION effectively, is projecting confidence and indifference both in your voice tone and body language as you do it...
And in order to project these things, you need to have the right understanding and BELIEFS about how male/female ATTRACTION works... and then be able to project them throughout your conversation with women.
The program you need to get if you want to learn how to FLIRT with women is my famous "Cocky Comedy" DVD/CD program.
One of the SPECIFIC things that I saw guys who were "naturals" with women doing... and one of the things that I later learned to do... is what I call "being Cocky & Funny".
You've probably read about the technique in these newsletters I send you.
This is essentially my FAVORITE "technique", and the reason why is because it's FUN... and it WORKS.
It's fun for you, it's fun for her, and it works like MAD to spark and build ATTRACTION.
If you've tried being Cocky & Funny with a woman and seen that SPARK in her eye... and the smile on her face... then you KNOW how powerful this is.
Well, this program will take your basic skills and SUPERCHARGE them. I'll teach you everything from the foundations of humor and laughter... all the way to specific word-by-word lines for the most common situations you find yourself in with women.
Go check it out, and watch some video clips here:
Oh, and if you haven't gone and downloaded my online eBook "Double Your Dating", then you need to get your ass in gear and do that right now. You can download it and be reading it in just a few minutes from right now. Get it here:
I'll talk to you again soon.
posted by Donovan at 12:40 PM Dating Advice for Men