6.08.2006posted by Sean Messenger at 1:08 PM
Girls are really mean, aren't they?
I'm sure you've heard the horror stories somewhere before, and you just know what terrible things will happen to you unless you do everything perfectly.
"If I talk to her, she'll just tell me to eff off."
"She'll call me a dork and throw a drink in my face."
Or worst of all:
"I know she'll have her b*tch shields up, so I have to disarm her. She'll be mean, but I am expecting that, so I'm ready."
Ever heard of the idea of creative visualization? Sports stars like Tiger Woods will picture the perfect shot over and over again before they take it. This way, their mind has perfectly prepared their body to perform at it's best.
They imagine the best outcome, and their body makes it reality.
So what happens when you imagine the WORST outcome?
Even worse, what happens when you completely make up the worst possible outcome, regardless of everything you know to be true?
Now we all know women in our regular lives. They are our mothers, grandmothers, sisters, friends, girlfriends. And we all know that these women are NOT mean by nature. They are not B*TCHES.
In fact, women are far friendlier, nicer, and more open to talking to people than men could ever be.
So how do guys get the idea that talking to a girl will result in her being mean to him?
I mean, I know brilliant minds who think this way. They are convinced that they need to prepare for this worst-case scenario so they can strategize for it.
But what happens to Tiger if he spends his time imagining what he needs to do next after he hits his shot into the water? That's right.
So he doesn't think about the worst thing that can happen. He focuses on the best, and so should you.
Here's the thing about this idea that women aren't friendly, and will act mean if you talk to them: not only is it just a poor approach, it's flat-out WRONG.
Women are NOT mean.
Women do not want you to do badly so they can be mean to you. They want you to do well so they can enjoy it.
No girl thinks to herself, "I hope an obnoxious guy really acts like an ass around me and makes me uncomfortable with his negative vibe so I can tell him he's a jerk."
Girls think "I hope that cute guy with the nice smile makes me smile."
So you are being social and friendly. You are chatting. You are flirting, which women love, and cannot get enough of. The worst thing that can happen is she doesn't get it, and goes on her way. The best thing is she falls in love with you and makes your life better.
The idea that men get that women are somehow mean and confrontational is bogus. The only time that women act this way is when they are pushed out of their natural warm nature by, well, assh*les. I won't tell you who the kinds of guys are that can provoke this reaction, but you can guess. You may have met a few.
You are not one of those guys. You are not there to plow her with 20 minutes of talking sh*t, or impress her with stories and photos of your famous friends, or your car, or your house, or the cocaine in your glove compartment.
You are there to let her enjoy a laugh with you, and bask in the flirting attention of an attractive guy.
This is not self-help mantra bullshit, either. I'm not telling you to repeat "all chicks totally dig me" 100 times a day.
But be REAL in your expectation. Women are NOT mean. They are cute. They are a little nervous (way more than you are). They are hoping for the best... they want you to do well.
The myth of the b*tch shield is just that: a myth. Yes, there are some guys who provoke negative reactions from girls. But it's almost always because they did something to act truly obnoxious first. The idea that hot girls all act mean was devised by well-meaning people who didn't really take the time to figure out what else was happening.
It wasn't the girl putting up the shield. It was the guy, going in thinking "I KNOW this will go badly, but that's what I have to do."
And he went in shields up, convinced no one could possibly like him, and blamed the girl for it, never seeing that he just created his own reality.You are better than that. We all are. We just have to believe it and be it.
How do you do it?
1) Smile. Now smile bigger. Now laugh to yourself and let your body feel good.
2) Bob your head a little and say "yeah yeah yeah" under your breath. Use your body to prepare your mind for the best-case scenario.
3) Now walk up to the cute girl, say "Hi," and get to know each other. You know the rest.
posted by Sean Messenger at 1:08 PM Dating Advice for Men